Chapter 3.45 It’s Nice We’re Not Naked Now

There was another body in the bed as Juniper woke up.

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Based on the fact it was her room, she couldn’t just up and walk out and pretend it never happened. The only option she could think of at that time was to close her eyes, rest her head back down where it was, and pretend she never woke up until he wakes up and sneaks out. It wasn’t like she minded sharing her bed either, he was warm to cuddle up to, and it made her feel weirdly safe being this close to him.

It was weird because this shouldn’t be happening. Nick was her best friend, she shouldn’t be waking up mostly naked in bed with her best friend.

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What they did felt like a hazy memory, one which she had conflicting emotions about. She had seen that they ended up happily together but part of her was worried still about if she forced it when he wasn’t ready, would it all just break? It was a risk she wanted to take, but one she wasn’t ready to take. She felt him stir awake and she quickly closed her eyes, pretending to be asleep. Maybe if he took the initiative and sneaked out then her queries would be answered.

As he woke up too, he recognised the room and could clearly remember what happened. She was sad, he comforted her, there was weird tension, they kissed, fucked and then fell asleep. It was probably something they should talk about. “June?” He asked, knowing she was awake. He wasn’t stupid, he could tell that she was faking. “June?” He tried again, yet she was being stubborn. “Juniper.” Using her full name, he didn’t wait as long before continuing. “I know you’re awake, stupid.”

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Glancing up at him, she gave him an awkward smile. “Morning.”

“We need to talk.” He looked down at her for a split second before his attention focused on the ceiling. He wasn’t sure what exactly to make of what had happened. It was weird because they could have stopped at any time, re-evaluate the situation and decide it’s not the best thing to do, but they didn’t.

“Yeah, I guess we kinda do need to.” She agreed. “We should probably put actual clothes on as well, so we can actually, you know, look at each other without seeing… Things.” She mumbled, getting off of him.

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“I can agree to that.” He mumbled, his gaze focused hard on the ceiling like it was the most important thing he has ever seen. Even though he was extremely tempted to glance down to his right, he didn’t because that wasn’t the right thing to do, and he knew she’d be extremely pissed off at him if he did.

In the time he was focusing hard on the ceiling, she had managed to locate some clothes to put on and tossed his clothes over to him too, to make this whole ordeal slightly less awkward.

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There was a long, tense, awkward silence as neither of them knew what exactly to say.

“So…” Juniper started, never having been in this situation. “It’s nice that we’re both not completely naked now, I guess.” Smiling awkwardly, she regretted what she said as soon as she said it.

He gave her a look, and then sighed slightly. “Yeah, fantastic.” Taking a moment, he then pointed out. “I’m not really sure where this leaves us, or if it changes anything. Does is change anything?”

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 “Do we want anything to change?” She asked quietly, sitting on the bed at the same time as he did.

“I don’t know.” He confessed, sighing heavily. “I don’t know.” Repeating, he mumbled. “It feels way too early to talk about this.”

“It does, but I don’t want us to be all awkward and junk for ages while we have breakfast and a coffee.” She pointed out. “I mean, I’m not great at making conversation when I’m uncomfortable as it is, let alone postponing it and more awkward sentences like the one I said earlier.”

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“That’s a good point, I don’t want a variation of ‘it’s nice that we’re not naked now’.” Letting out a single laugh, he used humour to hide how awkward he felt. He stayed quiet for a while before asking. “What do you want? From this I mean?” He asked, glancing over at her.

She merely shrugged in response. “I dunno. I mean, we’re really good friends, like best friends. The closeness where if we were both eight, we would have friendship bracelets.” Juniper started, but soon stopped as she said this.

Nick took this opportunity to add humorously. “We can get each other bracelets if you want. If we keep this up, we can get each other special best friend bracelets.”

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Narrowing her eyes at him, she grumbled and smiled somewhat bitterly. “I feel like you’re not taking this seriously.”

“I am, I am. Sorry. Serious Nick from now on, okay?” He reassured her. “Anyway, you were saying about how we’re close?”

“Yeah, we are close, and I don’t want to throw that away and make things weird if the possibility of us doesn’t work out.” She made her concerns known, frowning as she did so.

“Well, have you seen anything about us? Whether we work out or not if we do try?” He asked, figuring that would be a clearer answer.

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Hesitating slightly, she explained. “It’s not that clear cut. See, my visions don’t always come true. Everything is kind of like, well, you know when there are weird TV episodes where the main guy goes into the past and sits on a butterfly or something small and then the future is really messed up? It’s kinda like that. Everything I do or what others do alters the future. For example, before we broke up, I saw a vision about me and Daniel being together. Granted, it wasn’t very nice, but it was still something and it’s pretty clear that won’t happen. And I know you’re probably thinking that if I just tell you the good stuff I’ve seen then it’ll be fine but that’s not it. If I do that, then you’ll be with me because you think that’s how it’s supposed to be and not really because you want to.”

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“Right, so we’re gonna have to talk about feelings and stuff, aren’t we?” He mumbled, not especially wanting to do that.

“Yep. Feelings and all that junk.” She agreed, sighing slightly as she did so. “Who’s going to start?”

“Well, ladies first.” He gave that excuse, smirking slightly as he did so.

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Rolling her eyes, Juniper took it upon herself to go first. “Alright then.” Staying quiet for a while, she thought of how to phrase it. “I do like you, as in more than a friend like you, but I love having you as a friend, and I don’t know what I’d do without you, so I don’t want to mess that up.”

“So, do you want us to stay friends or…?” Nick asked, trailing off as he did so.

 

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“I dunno, what do you want?” She asked in response, not so sure where to go. The only boyfriends she’s had started off romantically. She’s never really been friends with someone before dating them.

“I would like us to be more than friends but-” He started, but was soon interrupted.

“But what?”

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“But the way you were acting yesterday about Sam, I just, I don’t know.” It was bothering him slightly, as he didn’t want them to try dating, only for her to still be in love with her ex-husband.

“You’re concerned I’m still in love with him?” She asked in response, and his silence spoke volumes. “There will always be a part of me that loves Sam, just like how I know there’ll always be a part of you that loves Elle, but I think that how I felt yesterday was a mix of me missing him, but mostly hating how everything felt so… Stagnant. Like, how I’ve been here for so long and I feel like the only good thing come from me moving here has been you.”

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The corners of his mouth twitched up into a smile as she said that. Changing the subject slightly, he asked out of interest. “Hey, remember when we first met?”

“Yeah, I remember. You were such a dick.” She commented honestly as she stood. “I hated you. Hated. I felt so pissed off that Roisin decided to be friends with Lainey.” She couldn’t help but find it somewhat amusing that they only started talking and tolerating each other because of their daughters. Did that mean that their daughters technically set them up?

“I hated you too. I thought that you thought you were better than what you actually were.” Grinning as he said that, he then added as he stood also. “I dunno, I just think it’s funny how far we’ve come since then. We tolerated each other, then liked each other, hated each other for a bit, liked each other and now…”

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“Now we’re stood here talking about whether or not we should be a couple.” She finished his sentence, smiling slightly. “Imagine if the versions of us when we first met saw us now.”

“They’d be so disappointed in us.” Laughing as he said this, he then went back to the topic at hand. “So, what are we going to do? Because I think I’d prefer us to be more than just friends.”

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“I think I’d prefer that too.” She agreed, giving him a somewhat sheepish smile. “It’s going to be really weird being in a relationship with you. I mean, it’s you. Nick. Room mate Nick, Lainey’s dad Nick.” She mumbled.

“I know, dating psychic Juniper, Roisin’s mom, know-it-all Juniper who I have to call Jennifer in public.”

“Hey, I am not a know it all.” Sneering slightly, she rolled her eyes. “So, we’re really doing this, huh?”

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“I guess we are, yeah.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. This conversation felt somewhat awkward but probably because things between them were changing.

“Should we like, kiss or something? I feel like that’s the thing to do.” She mumbled, but then added. “But now I feel like I’ve kinda ruined the moment by asking if we should do it.”

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“I think we should still do it anyway despite you wrecking the moment.” He added the last bit teasingly. “So, should we just like, go for it?” He asked.

“I think so.” She replied, giving a somewhat sheepish smile.

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The two of them spent a short time looking at each other, seemingly building up courage to do what they were about to do. Tentatively, moving closer, their lips locked in a soft kiss.

It wasn’t the first kiss they shared, nor would it be their last, but this one felt different.

It felt right, as if it was meant to be.

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AN: WOW! FINALLY!

Finally properly together oh my wow.

So, a timeline because I’m sad/interested on how long Nick and June have been like a thing

Juniper has her first vision of Nick on 29.10.15 (they’re in UK date format. Day.Month.Year)
So, we first met Nick properly 30.3.16
They made friends the next day xD
He moved in 27.05.16 (which is funny because that means they’ve been living together (or at least had first moved in) for over a year before finally acting on their feelings xD)
They went to a wedding together 17.6.16
He got in contact with Elle again 6.7.16 and moved out on 6.8.16
He moved back in on 2.9.16 and that’s when she properly started dating Daniel
She told him about her being psychic and about her killing Sam on 30.9.6
She told him the whole story about being Juniper and her killing Sam on 22.10.16 and he also mentioned about his past then too
(there was a cute Xmas special on 21.12.16 lmao)
He found out about Daniel and did not approve on 5.2.17
Juniper found out she was pregnant again on 19.2.17 and broke up with Daniel then
Juniper had Juniper Jr on 1.5.17 and was done with Daniel for good then too
They first properly kissed on 28.5.17
And they started dating today 😀 29.5.17

Wooow so much has happened

Just for the record, things are gonna move slightly faster (it’s about time we got a wriggle on, am I right?) from now on because I’ve got something awesome planned for chapter 50 😀

I’m excited and happy, is anyone else feeling this way? 😀

Chapter 3.44 One Thousand Eight Hundred and Twenty Six

“Smile for the camera Lain.”

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Lainey grinned at her daddy, anxious to go though. It was her first ever day at big kid school! She was excited! Quite a few of her friends started earlier, but because she was younger, she started school later on.

Nick gave Lainey a smile in return, making sure to get plenty of pictures. It felt weird that she was going to school, based on the fact she’s not even five yet. She was going to be one of the youngest in her year, and it was kind of sad that she wasn’t going to be in the same school year as Roisin, who was going to be one of the eldest in her school year.

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“I wanna go! Come on!” Stomping her foot, Lainey was getting sick of the pictures. She wanted to go to school already!

Sighing heavily, Nick took a moment as he watched Lainey. It felt like yesterday he and Elle found out they were having a girl, and now she was off to school. It made him feel old, or at least older than what he actually was. “Alright, but you’re having more pictures at school.” He gave her advanced warning, and she pouted.

“Daddy…” She whined, giving him a look.

“What-ty?” He asked in the same manner, grinning at her as he took her hand and they walked out of the apartment.

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Today was a bad day, or at least it was a day that Juniper had bad feelings about. Today just wasn’t a good day.

Fiddling with the necklace, Juniper sighed heavily. Today was the type of day where all she wanted to do was go to sleep and pretend like this day isn’t a real day.

Usually, anniversaries are nice occasions. Happy. This would have been a happy one if it wasn’t for other circumstances.

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When she left her bedroom, she saw Roisin looking at the front door with a frown. “What’s up sweetie?” Juniper asked, bending down to Roisin’s height.

“I wanna go too.” She whined, pouting at her mommy. “Why can’t I go?” It wasn’t fair. Roisin wanted to go too! School sounded exciting and fun!

“You’re too little, baby. You’re going to have to wait until next year.” Juniper explained, but saw that Roisin was fascinated by her necklace.

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“Pretty.” Roisin smiled, reaching for the charm on her necklace. “I have it now?”

“One day you can have it.” Juniper gave her a sad smile, knowing that when Roisin was older, she’d know the truth about everything.

“Daniel bought it?” Roisin asked, remembering he bought mommy and herself a lot.

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“We’re not talking to him, remember?” Juniper asked, frowning as she did so. She did not need to be reminded of her adopted child’s father today.

“Right, right.” Roisin mumbled, and then smiled. “Good.” Following up with that, she asked. “Who bought it?”

Juniper thought for a moment, wondering how to say it and whether or not she should mention Sam. However, she knew that it she opened that door, she wouldn’t be able to close it again. Smiling softly, she excused. “One of mommy’s boyfriends a long time ago.” As far as Roisin was aware, Nick was daddy, and if she started talking about Sam being daddy, not only would it confuse her but she didn’t know how to end that conversation once starting it.

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“Can I be friends?” Roisin asked, smiling. The only one of mommy’s boyfriends she met was Daniel, and he was okay but not great. She wanted to meet more and see what they were like.

Juniper shook her head softly, frowning. “Sorry baby, you can’t. I don’t talk to him anymore. He’s not very nice.”

“Oh, okay.” Roisin answered, frowning slightly. She didn’t like him now if he wasn’t nice but he made mommy happy so she could put up with him. “Play now?”

Grinning, Juniper nodded. “Sure, let’s play now.” She had the day off of college and had nothing else on for the day, so there wasn’t anything major to even distract her.

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It wasn’t too long before Nick came back after dropping off Lainey for her first day of school. It made him feel weird to think that she was old enough. Well, she was barely old enough. Going around the corner, he noticed Juniper and Roisin were playing together. Part of him didn’t want to interrupt, but when she smiled at him, he went over.

“Did you take plenty of pictures?” She asked, seeing the camera in his hands.

“Yeah… I think I pi- annoyed her.” He was about to use profanity, but remembered that Roisin had a habit of repeating words she found fun to say.

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Raising an eyebrow at him, Juniper was pleased that he managed to stop in time. She too could remember the day one of them swore in front of Roisin, and how she repeated the word ‘fuck’ for almost the entire day (Roisin liked that word because it sounded like duck). “You’ll have to show me them later.” She smiled at him, still paying attention to Roisin though.

“When it’s less weird to think that I have a daughter at school then I will.” Mumbling as he sat down with them, his attention also turned to Roisin as he asked her. “You’re going to stay little forever, right? And you’re not going to go to school and you’ll stay with me?” He asked, grinning at her.

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“Yeah.” Roisin went over to her daddy and cuddled with him. “Love you.”

“I love you too.” Nick grinned back, cuddling her. “Don’t ever grow up, okay?”

“Okay.” Roisin responded obediently.

Even though it was sweet, Juniper felt guilty. The four of them, almost like a little family, it made her think. Specifically, it made her think about how things would be if she was still married to Sam. Well, would she even still be married to him or would he have killed her by now? Five years would be an awfully long time for a psychopath to wait.

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There was a large part of her screaming about how wrong this was, almost rueful and mourning of what could have been. What should have been. Herself, Sam, Roisin, maybe even another one. Maybe. Maybe she could have spoken to him. Maybe they could have resolved their issues peacefully. Maybe he would have ditched the plan. She had seen visions of herself and Sam when they were old, so it was a possibility. At some point in time, that was what was going to happen. But…

She ruined it.

“Are you alright?” Giving her a concerned look, Nick asked this as Roisin went off to play with the doll house. Juniper looked as if she was going to burst out crying at any given moment.

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“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine. I’m totally fine.” Her voice choked slightly as she held back the urge to cry. “I uhm… I think I just want some time alone today.”

“Did something happen?” He asked. Often, she would email or text Anthony and Lukas to see how baby Juniper was doing, and it often didn’t end in a good way. The other day she got a video of the baby managing to sit up on her own, and then falling back down after, and Juniper couldn’t take it. “Do you want to talk about it? I don’t think emailing them is too great of an idea if you keep getting this upset by it.” He knew it was hard for her, and knew that she wanted to see pictures, but he didn’t see the worth if it was upsetting her this much.

Sighing softly, she knew he would mention that. “Look, I promise I’ll be fine again tomorrow. It’s just today… it’s not a good day. It’s nothing to do with the emails. I just need to be left alone today and to just think.”

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The hesitation was clear as day on his face, wanting to say that he didn’t want her to but also realising that it must be a bad day. He tried to think about what could be bothering her if it wasn’t to do with the baby, but nothing came to mind. “You’d tell me if it was something really bad bothering you, right?”

“Right.” She agreed, and then sighed slightly. “I… It’s nothing to do with Juniper, I just wanna have kind of a quiet day today. ” She mumbled, standing up and heading into her bedroom.

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So it was a quiet day. Not much happened. Juniper mostly kept to herself while Nick did some work from home and kept Roisin occupied before picking Lainey up from her first day of school.

There was a knocking sound on her door, and she looked over to see Nick there. “Hey, I just wanted to check that you were alright.”

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Giving a small smile, she nodded. “I’m fine.” Moving the book she had away, she then asked. “Do you need me for something or did you just want to check up on me?”

“I was just gonna check up but what’s in that?” He asked, looking over at what she was looking at. He could make out that it was a photo album.

“It’s nothing.” She excused, moving it further away.

“Nothing? Just a photo album filled with empty pages and you were admiring the nothingness?” He asked, giving her a look.

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“Yep. Precisely.” Nodding in response, she smiled at him. There was a silence as he continued his doubtful look and it became evident that he wasn’t going to leave until she told him what it was. “It’s my wedding album.” She mumbled.

“Seriously? I didn’t think you had that.” Surprised by that answer, he was expecting it to be something to do with Roisin, not that.

Nodding, she answered quietly. “Yeah. I took this just in case I wanted it. I saw it in the study as I left and I knew I wanted to keep it, I didn’t want to leave it in that house.” Her attention was on the album, not looking back at Nick who was walking into her room.

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“You can’t just drop that piece of information and not expect me to be curious.” He pointed out, grinning as he did so. Picking up the album and sitting next to her, he let her open it as she explained what things were.

“Well, that’s me and Mia, who was my best friend. She was my maid of honour at my wedding.” Juniper began rather dryly, not really wanting to talk about it. “She was pretty drunk.”

“Geez, you look so young in it.” He pointed out, looking at her and then back at the picture with a slight grin. It’s weird to imagine her blonde. “It’s weird seeing you with your natural hair colour. I’m used to pastel variations of every colour under the sun.” He commented, and then furrowed his eyebrows when he noticed writing on it. “What does that say?”

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Laughing once, Juniper explained. “Mia was trying to be funny. It says ‘I know your mommy is keeping you a secret but auntie Mia loves you’, and then she rambles off about something else I can’t quite make out, I see Belle’s name in there I think? She wrote it when she was drunk, and I don’t think she knew about it either. I didn’t know at the time, but she and my other friend Brie were betting on whether it was a shotgun wedding or not; Mia betting that it was. I wouldn’t have found out if it wasn’t for Mia telling me when she had a bit too much to drink. I know she didn’t remember though because for a good three or four months after the wedding she kept hinting at her suspicion that it was a shotgun wedding.”

“She sounds cool.” Nick grinned. The only thing he really knew about Mia was that she hated Juniper’s husband who killed her, and that she was Juniper’s best friend. Apart from that, he knew next to nothing so it was nice to at least put a name to the face. “I think I would have liked her.”

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“I think she would’ve liked you, or at least approved of you.” Smiling slightly in return, she recalled the conversation that she had with Mia a while ago. “Which is saying something because she’s hard to impress.” That, and the fact that Mia had a crush on Juniper, well, she probably wouldn’t have approved of all too many guys.

“That’s good to know, I guess.” Turning the page, he stumbled across a picture of her and Sam together. Feeling a lot more awkward, Nick wasn’t so sure what to say about it. Why did he feel so awkward about seeing her with her ex? Was he jealous? No, that’s stupid. But still, even though he felt awkward looking at it, it almost felt like he couldn’t take his eyes away. From the picture, it looked like she really loved him but he wasn’t sure if he could tell if Sam felt the same way from what he saw. It felt weird seeing her like that, it was odd. The two women; the two Junipers, they were like two completely different people. Only, he wasn’t sure which version of her seemed more real. Did she still have feelings for her ex-husband? A large part of him selfishly hoped not.

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Closing the album, he noticed the date on the back cover, and that it was today’s date five years ago. “It’s your anniversary.” He pointed out the obvious.

“Five years.” Sighing heavily, the image of her happy with Sam was burned into her mind. If only she could have that back, the happiness she felt then. “It’s kind of scary how fast time can go by.” She mentioned, somewhat idly as she got up and placed the album back in a drawer.

“Is that why you’ve been upset today?” Nick followed up, looking at her as he did so.

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Staying quiet for a long time, she sighed heavily before nodding. “Yeah.” As she fiddled with the necklace she was wearing, her attention was fixed on the floor. “I know you probably think it’s stupid, me getting so bothered by this, but I just…” Looking down, Juniper mumbled a response as she sat back with Nick. “I miss him.”

She was expecting him to call her stupid for missing him, which was why she was surprised when he understood. “I get that. I get the same way about Elle sometimes. It’s stupid because it didn’t work out first or second time but still. I guess it’s different though because if I wanted I could just talk to her, not like I would want to but I could.”

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“I get your point but it’s not much comfort when I know I’m going to die alone.” Juniper said outright, sighing heavily.

“Oh come on June, don’t be stupid.” Nick argued in response. “You know that’s not true.”

“Isn’t it? Okay, so think of this: I’ve had my one chance at love, and that’s already ended. Now that’s over, what next? More relationships like the ones I’ve tried? I don’t especially feel like going through all that again.”

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“You do realise that we’re people and not the animals on Noah’s ark, right? We don’t all just have one person each and if we do, then I guess I’m dying alone too then because I’ve already had mine.”

“Elle doesn’t count. She’s a bitch. You’ve still got your chance. Me on the other hand? I’ve blown it. I had my chance, I’ve had my love, now it’s gone and I’m going to die alone.”

“So Elle was a bitch but Sam was a completely nice and perfect guy? Don’t be so stupid June. He was an ass, I can’t believe it’s possible but he’s even worse than Elle. There’s still someone out there who’ll love you and who’ll love Roisin. You’re too young to start adopting cats.” Teasing slightly at the end, he looked over at her as he said this. Even if his feelings for her never became more than just feelings, there was a part of him that would be fine with that as long as she was happy. That’s what he wanted most: to see her happy.

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“I hope so.” She mumbled quietly, looking to the floor as she did so. After a beat, she looked up at him and spoke again. “Somewhere out there, there’s got to be someone for each of us. Two people who like kids and treat ours as their own. People who we can trust with anything. People who we care deeply for, to the point of caring too much for friends.”

“People who might not be that far away.” He chimed in.

There was a long pause, the air seeming the hang in the weirdly tense room. They were both looking at each other, seemingly entranced.

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It was an unexpected occurrence. One which, on the grand spectrum of things, was bound to happen but the timing was unexpected. It’s difficult to know when exactly things like this happen as the world is full of so many variables.

There is no determined cause and straight forward effect. Every conversation and answered question creates a new fork in the probability path. Maybe if he had answered no to her question a month ago about if pasta would be alright for dinner, this may not have happened for another year. Maybe if she had enquired further about his current photo shoot two years ago, they would already be together.

The world and all it’s inhabitants are based on coincidences and mishaps. Correspondences and links.

 

Liebster Award! -Take Two

So, based on the fact that it’s been over 2 years (and it was still gen 2 the last time I did this) I decided to make a new post. That, and I’ve been nominated twice now so I feel like it would be bad of me to just stick it on the end -4/10 would recommend doing that.

Image result for dank memes

I feel like I needed a meme but I couldn’t find one so here.

The Rules:

–Say thank you to the person who has nominated you for the award.
– Answer the 11 questions the person has asked you.
– Nominate people (comment on their blog to let them know).
– Ask the people you have nominated 11 questions

So, I was nominated by loladiamond01 and Violincat, thank you very much and I love how I’m getting nominations from people outside of the RLC family ❤ it makes me happy ^-^

EDIT (I learned how to  do this lmao why did wordpress change?! ;-; ): I’ve also been nominated by Nocriel, I need to catch up on their blog actually, I feel kinda bad. Also Owly nominated me too, oh gosh aren’t I popular? xD

So, my nominations are (and I’m sorry in advance that there won’t be tons, I’m kinda out of reading others’ stories, too much school work! >.<):

1.) Twinsimskeletons and their SOL legacy

2.) Owl Face and their Clover and a Bee legacy (where she nearly fuckin’ killed her main character the gosh darn mad woman)

3.) Heatherfeather19 and her Diffy Legacy 

4.) Melynx and her Chaos Theory legacy

5.) Urunwa and her Sleitinn Legacy

I dunno who else sorry xD I need to read more people’s stuff and catch up on everyone’s things but alas, where is the time? ;~;

Anyway, questions!

Loladiamond01’s questions:

Is there any song you are addicted to right now? If so, then what is it?

I’m currently in love with Hypnotic by Zella Day. I think I just love the Melanie Martniez vibe

Do you prefer to work in the silence or do you put on music when you write?

I like background sound and music while I write, especially if I’m writing a scene I need a particular mood for

Do you prefer writing about female or male characters? Why?

Female purely because of the fact I am female so… Yeah

What length is your hair?

About collarbone length-ish. I want it to be longer though :c if I have my fake hair in then it’s longer xD

Do you like reading? If so, do you prefer short books or longer stories?

I do but my attention span has literally just plummeted :c I prefer reading scripts and plays because they just get to the point, y’know? xD

How long have you been writing about your sims’ lives?

It’ll be 4 years (!!!!!!!! wtf!!!!) in December (the 1st to be exact. All my generations have started on the 1st of a month. I remember I had to wait to October 1st because last chapter of Gen 2 was on September 1st)

Do you prefer staging your story or going with the flow and seeing what happens in game? I’m not asking which one you do, just which one feels better to do and satisfies you more.

Staging I prefer and do, but I like gameplay ones, but my laptop can’t really handle that and all the CC I have xD

Do you consider yourself a perfectionist?

No xD I like things being good but I do get to a “oh that’s good enough” state if I’ve been workin’ on something for too long

A pool or the sea? Or you don’t like water?

Sea because pools wreck hair and pools are weirdly warm and I feel like that warmth is pee >.< at least in the ocean it’s relaxing and there’s the current and if it’s warm it’s because of the sun, y’know?

Which one do you like more- warm or cold weather?

It depends. If I’m doing nothing and outside then warm. If I’m doing things then cold.

What is your dream job?

Honestly? I don’t know. I think… Ah I don’t know. I just don’t know. I feel like I don’t dream as much as I used to which is sad, but hey.

 

Violincat’s Questions

What’s the last song you’ve listened to?

Technically, because I’ve got the Harry Styles Carpool Karaoke on, it’s Sweet Creature by him xD

Are you an early bird or a night owl?

Well, it’s currently 7:03 and I’m awake and doing this so… Early bird xD

Name three of your favorite books?

Oh gosh, I don’t even know. I’ve not read anything in so long >.<

How old were you when you had your first crush?

I think I was in Y2, which means I was about 7? Yeah, about 7

Every single person you’ve ever had a crush on shows up at your place one day. What do you do?

Probably do some maths because majority of them do maths xD For realsies though, I dunno. It would be kinda surprising because I have random 1 day crushes on people lmao

Craziest situation that ever happened to you?

I had a pencil go through my arm. That was pretty wild

If you could change one thing about the world right now, what would it be?

Lessen all the hate. There’s too much in the world. As well as that, I would make education easier, especially here. It feels like I constantly have to jump through hoops backwards on a tightrope just to go to somewhere next that’ll give me the hope of achieving something

What is your favorite thing to do after a stressful day?

crying Literally every day is stressful, so I guess just chilling and watching YouTube videos while doing work

What is your favorite saying?

Shit happens

What was the best meal you’ve ever had?

At this restaurant, there was this smoked salmon pasta in creamy tomato sauce it was the best ❤

You’ve won an all-expenses-paid trip for a week for any place in the world. Where would you go?

Ahhh, I don’t know! There’s too many places I wanna see and go to! >.< I wanna go everywhere in the world and see everything! Right now though, I’d pick either New York or Japan

 

1. Who’s your favoUrite sim?

I feel like it’s Juniper, purely because I know her best, like you could ask me any obscure question about her and I’d probably be able to answer it.
2. Do you stage a lot? How do you do it?
Yep. I stage all the time. I think I do it quite simply, after the set has been built (i.e. June and Nick’s apartment, a coffee shop etc) I pose whoever’s being used and position them, make sure the lighting’s good, and then get a good angle (cropping out/avoiding any issues in the poses if there are any) and then take the picture
3. Is there a roll you’d really hate to play?
Anything that’s too heavy. I don’t like the normal careers, purely because they irritate me and I dunno. The Matthews have a lot of money so I don’t really need the careers if that makes sense?
4. How about a roll you’d love to play?
I LOVE the second chance roll, purely because of how different you can make it, and the different reasons for breaking up. That and I dunno, I don’t want a couple to be together forever because (and this may just be my scepticism) what’s the chance of being with someone forever? You’re bound to find someone new or get bored.
5. What is your favoUrite Sims EP and why is it Pets?
I do actually quite like Pets, I like how you can focus on horses and make that a career, also I like the li’l animals you can like collect.
6. What parts of yourself as a person in real life do you recogniSe in your sims (personality, experiences, appearance or whatever) or your story in general? Don’t say nothing, I’m convinced there’s always a little bit of yourself in your sims! 😛
Juniper definitely has my sharp tongue and sarcasm, only she’s much more open with it. I am as sharp tongued and sarcastic as she is, but I tend to not express it (and even though I’m rather hot-headed, I get flustered when I’m angry). I feel like I somewhat relate to Alyssa also: slutty and smart 😛
Also, the character development I’m planning for Roisin right now is rather me (which is rather similar to Junie too ngl), like the career which she’s going to have in the story is probably a job I’d love to do, but you’ve gotta be good at art to do that, and I’m shit at art (Roisin’s good at art, very good *nods*).
7. What lifespan do you play your RLC on/how many sim days?
I think I have it on epic? I think?
8. Would you play Sims 3 without any CC or mods?
I would, but I dunno how long it would last purely because I’d miss all my cc ;-;
9. What other games do you play? Do you know Heroes of the Storm (I do not get paid by Blizzard, I’m just curious…)?
Danganronpa ❤ I’m so psyched for NDV3 this autumn! It comes out here like a day or two after my birthday (so I’m gonna basically avoid the entire fanbase for those 2 days lmao because almost everyone will have played it by then, I’ve already spoiled the fifth trial execution which makes me very sad ;-;), and I can’t express how excited I am for that ❤
I’ve never played Heroes of the Storm however
10. What’s a hobby of yours other than gaming/writing?
Uhhh, school? I spend most of my time on it, so…. xD
11. Is eleven questions too many?
That depends on the question length I believe. Long answer essay questions? Yes. Short answer questions? No. It’s open to interpretation I believe.

 

Owly’s Questions!:

  1. Who’s a historical figure you think is neat? Why?
    I feel like I should have an answer for this, but I dunno. There’s a lot of cool people in history and I can’t exactly choose one. There was a guy, Nate Champion, who kept back a bunch of Cattle Barons in the late 1800’s in America (a town called Buffalo) and he died because they like set his house on fire or some shit, but he gave up his life to save the town, which I think it pretty neat. Also Descartes is a fuckin’ mad man lockin’ ‘imself in a fuckin’ kiln and deciding that nothing exists.
  2.  I’ve invited myself over for dinner. What are your making for me?
    Probably something very lazy because I can never be arsed to cook anything proper. Probably something like chips (which are likely to be slightly undercooked lmao good job I don’t eat meat) with cheese and gravy, or probably something like smoked salmon pasta because I love that, or unicorn shit because it’s so unlikely as why would you visit me for dinner? Like out of all the cool stuff to do in Britain, visiting me for food isn’t up there tbh.
  3. If you were a sim, which neighboUrhood would you like to live in?
    I’d like to live in Bridgeport, or maybe Dragon Valley, I dunno
  4. Who is your favoUrite premade sim? How about your least favoUrite?
    Oh premades, it’s been a while. Uhm, I used to like playing as Agnes Crumplebottom and giving her a nice life and getting her a new husband and giving her a family and shit like that aww aren’t i nice? I didn’t like the Wolff (sp? lmao ironic) family because it’s a different spelling of my last name and I didn’t like their relationship, 12 year old me found it sad.
  5. If you could program a robot to do one task for you so you’d never have to do it again, what would it be? It doesn’t matter how complicated the task is; it just has to be something you could do yourself (so you couldn’t program it to make gold out of water unless you can do that yourself, so no cheating!).
    (who says I can’t make gold out of water??????? don’t underestimate me m8) I’d say tiding of any variety because who likes tiding? It’s tedious
  6. Okay, so now irony kicks in: what do you miss out on by programming the robot to do that task? (ex: you programmed the robot to tuck your children into bed at night, and now your children love the robot more than you)
    Literally, only good thing is when I find like money on the floor. That’s it, but I’d make the robot put the money to the side soooooo *shrugs*
  7. What would you like to improve about your writing, and what do you think you already do well?
    all of it needs improving lmao honestly I’m always worried that people get bored of what I’m writing, or that the way I word things doesn’t always make sense (like this sentence now lmao), it’s something I’ve picked up recently, I try and phrase things more complex but they end up not making sense. I think I do characterisation well? I think doing drama has helped me realise how vital that is tbh (also, small rant, I hate it when people have like these super detailed characters but never show them off? Like why? Like I’ve seen it on tumblr where they answer such detailed backstories, but then all they post are like staged sim selfies? I just don’t get it, if there’s no story then can there be any characters? And if there are no characters, can there be characterisation? I dunno, I guess it’s just something that lowkey irritates me.)
  8. What object from TS3 would you like to have in real life?
    Not technically an object but I’d like how easy it is for them to get jobs and do well in school, so I guess their entire work ethic as an object if that counts? If not, I’d like the time portal or the hover boards in ITF even though I don’t have ITF XD
  9. What’s your vice? You can tell me. I’m cool.
    I love gossip, not gossiping but more just eavesdropping. I like hearing scandalous secrets and bitching which I can use to my disposal if I’m ever in a disagreement with someone. It also makes me happy when I overhear the “popular” people bitching about each other because it’s just so fucking funny how they act like queen bees but no one likes them, not even their friends, and they’re so like reluctant to be seen with anyone else. pfft.
  10. Where’s your favoUrite place to be?
    I dunno to be honest, I like being a lot of places. I like scenic places, but not countryside scenic. Like, I like beaches and cities tbh
  11. Are we–as humans–enacting order in a chaotic universe, or are we enacting chaos in an ordered universe?
    Well, Aquanis (I think) has a theory of Natural Laws, and I don’t exactly know the very specific details, but I do know that they essentially say that order can come out of chaos, and it does kinda make sense. If you locked people in a large enough room (but didn’t give them an incentive to kill each other) with no rules, order will eventually form, so I believe that we create chaos in a world in which we created order by going against the order in which we created.

 

My questions!:

Who’s your favourite sim?
Favourite film?
Bright lipsticks: Yay or nay? (i’m yay if ur nay fite me)
Uhhhhhhh I’m running out of ideas so: Favourite song?
What got you into writing for sims?
Favourite Holiday (like Easter, May Day, Christmas etc)?
Best trash TV show?
Fast food or healthy stuff: what’s better?
Worst subject at school?
How do you feel right now?
If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? (I did an AS in this, I know the answer :P)

Chapter 3.43 Rockabye

Nick overheard Juniper having a heated discussion with someone on her phone.
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“I never said that! Don’t just go putting word in my mouth. I’m saying no because I can. I don’t care! I don’t care! No, I’m not going. Because I said so. You can’t make me.” She stayed quiet for a while before asking in a timid voice. “What?” Another long silence passed and she sighed heavily. “You’ve managed to get one that quick, huh? Okay, I’ll be there.”

Nick hovered outside of her room for a while, hesitating to enter before he knocked on her door. “June? Is everything okay?”

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“No.” She replied, evidently close to crying.

“What’s going on? Who was on the phone?” He asked, frowning as he did so.

Juniper shook her head, not really wanting to answer. She took quite a long time before mumbling the answer quietly. “Daniel.”

Unintentionally narrowing his eyes, Nick felt himself start to get angry. What did that asshole want? “What did he call you about?”

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“He was on about how when he died there’d be no one there so he wanted someone to take over, meaning he was telling me that he wanted to get full custody.” She started, none of that making any sense to her. He didn’t like kids, so it felt like he was just doing that to hurt her. “I said that I didn’t want to fight because well I just don’t want to and I didn’t want to mention the adoption on the phone because I felt like that would have angered him, and then he asked why and started accusing me of cheating on him and saying that he might not actually be the dad when he is, and then he was insistent that I cheated with you, and then he got angry and started yelling and I got scared. He mentioned about having booked a paternity test soon and I just…” She shook her head, trying to stop crying.

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Huffing, Nick could hardly believe the nerve of that guy. First he dumps her and then he does this? “How about I call back and teach him a lesson on how to treat people?” He suggested rhetorically, not actually going to do it, even though he’d want to; he knew that’d just upset her.

“I just don’t get why. Why now? Why at the eleventh fucking hour? He could have done this sometime in the last few months or whatever and I wouldn’t have been this bad because whatever, but I could have the baby any moment now and I just I don’t get it. And I don’t get why he’d just assume I cheated I mean I just…” She groaned audibly. “Get your camera, take a picture me and of how shit of a situation I’m in now, so next time when I like a guy, you can show me the picture and I’ll learn to join the church and become a nun instead.”

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“If I take a picture, then they’ll probably find it and not let you become a nun.” He gave her a sad smile and then moved to sit next to her. “Whatever he does, we’ll get around it. No matter what lawyer he gets or what trick he pulls, we’ll just say how he treated you and no judge in their right mind will let him have custody. That and get Anthony on our side and you know he’ll just fuck things up for Daniel.”

Looking down at the floor, Juniper mumbled. “Do you think I should tell them about this?” She meant Anthony and Lukas when she said them. She didn’t want to get their hopes up, knowing they’re probably anticipating her calling when she goes into labour, and she doesn’t want to get their hopes up only to crush them. She wanted her baby to go to them so badly, she knew she had made the right choice in choosing them.

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Nick hesitated, unsure. “I don’t know. I know we will have to tell them, but I… I don’t think we should now.” He watched as she nodded in agreement and then got up. “You doing alright by the way? I know you mentioned having a few little contractions earlier this morning.”

“I’m fine. I’m still having some but they’re getting quite close now.” She mumbled, giving a rather bittersweet smile. “I don’t know if I’ll be as happy when it’s over this time. I mean, I’ll be happy to not be the size of a whale anymore.” Laughing a little at herself, she then glanced over at her phone as it began to ring again, frowning as she recognised the number.

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“Him again?” Nick asked, frowning as he did so.

Juniper nodded, sighing heavily. She got her phone and handed it to him. “Can you keep this for the mean time? I know I’ll only end up answering it and stressing myself out more if I keep it in here.”

Nodding, Nick took her phone from her. “Sure thing.” He knew that if he did call again, he’d probably either give him a piece of his mind or just let it ring endlessly. Whichever he thinks would be worse at that point in time. Frowning slightly, he couldn’t help but read the text he sent her as it lit up on the screen, and it didn’t make sense. “Hey, how does he know about Lukas and Anthony? I thought you said you didn’t want to mention it over the phone…”

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Juniper looked away, avoiding eye contact as she stayed quiet.

“What did you do?” Nick asked suspiciously, watching her seem uncomfortable under his gaze.

“Nothing, nothing.” She knew he’d be angry at her if she told the truth, so she tried to avoid it for as long as she could.

“Juniper…” His tone had a warning edge to it as he asked. “You haven’t been talking to him, right?”

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Wincing slightly, she gave an awkward smile as she answered. “Maybe?”

“Maybe?” He repeated, giving her a look.

“Yes.” She confessed in a smaller voice, still avoiding his gaze.

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He let out a single bitter laugh of disbelief before asking. “Are you kidding me? You’re texting him again? Do you not remember what he did? He dumped you because you’re pregnant with his kid.”

“Yeah, I kinda realised. I don’t exactly need a reminder.” She snapped back at him.

“Oh so you do remember what happened, I thought you had forgot seeing as though you were doing something so stupid.”

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“How is me wanting to talk to the father of my child being stupid?” She pretty much growled, glaring at him as she did so.

“The father of a child you’re not keeping, and a child who might not even go to the parents you want. I was going to say that he’ll just end up hurting you again but it looks like he’s already done that.”

Juniper stayed quiet, stubbornly looking to the side.

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“I just can’t believe, in what world would that ever be a good-” He stopped himself when he noticed she seemed to be in pain. “You alright?”

Shaking her head, she muttered. “I know we’re supposed to be arguing and stuff but can we press pause?” She asked, holding out her hand. As soon as he took it, she held his hand tightly to try and counteract the pain.

“Is it time to go to the hospital?” He asked, perching next to her on the bed, and she nodded in response. “I think the bag’s still in the car, we just need to ask Sarah to watch the girls.” He recalled.

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“Okay, so if you just try and hold her still, Miss Matthews, we’re going to swab the inside of her mouth.” The nurse instructed, coming awfully close to her newborn daughter with a cotton swab.

“Be careful, she’s small.” She didn’t realise paternity tests could happen this soon after babies were born. Her daughter was only a few hours old, and was already being swabbed. It broke her heart having to tell Anthony and Lukas about what Daniel was trying to do, she got really upset over it too. She probably would be more upset, but she was still partly out of it from the pain meds. It was a nice out of it though, relaxing.

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“I’ll be careful, don’t worry.” The nurse reassured her, smiling at her as she took the swab.

“So small.” Juniper repeated, looking down at the baby in her arms. She didn’t feel quite the same for her as she did for Roisin. She still loved this baby girl, who didn’t yet have a name, but it was different. She had come to accept that this baby girl wasn’t coming home with her, and was hopefully going home with her adopted dads.

“Okay, all done.” The nurse smiled, removing the cotton swab from the baby’s mouth. “I’ll just take this down to the lab, grab the other two and then we should know pretty soon.” She explained, smiling slightly as she did so.

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The atmosphere in the other room was awkward. It was just Nick and Daniel alone in there, the nurse was getting a swab from the baby, and neither of them spoke to the other. Neither had anything to say. There was a mutual hatred that kept the two of them from speaking. Daniel was on his phone, doing something related to work, while Nick was watching him out of the corner of his eyes. It angered him to think that Juniper’s baby could end up with him. He had done nothing for her, and had actively made her life hell from when she first found out about the baby. He wanted nothing more than for him to stay miles away from both her and the baby, but knew it was probably unlikely. Bastards like him got everything, and it wasn’t right.

Daniel’s phone started to ring. He glared at Nick and grumbled. “Don’t steal anything while I’m gone.” And walked out of the room.

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In that moment, Nick was completely alone with the two samples on the side. An idea sprung to mind, one he knew would keep Daniel far, far away from Juniper and the baby, and he knew, even if it was dishonest and she might hate him for a while, that is was for the greater good, and it would make her happier in the long run. Besides, she’d understand his motives at the end of the day.

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When the lab had the results back, the two guys gathered back into the room that Juniper was in. At this moment in time, it took all her willpower to not start crying. She didn’t want to give the baby to Daniel. She wanted to give her to Anthony and Lukas instead. She knew they would care a lot for her; Daniel probably wouldn’t. It was a doctor reading the results instead of the nurse.

“Okay, so we got a DNA sample from the child in question and her two possible fathers. The lab analysed it and came back with the results. There is a slight margin of error in these tests where sometimes it may not work, but this doesn’t appear to be the case. From the results it’s apparent that the child’s biological father is Nick Draven.”

“How?” Juniper asked rather soon after the doctor said that. She managed to avoid eye contact with both Nick and Daniel, not understanding what was going on. “We never fucked though.” She mumbled, confused. She then felt guilty because she had accidentally swore, but it was okay because babies can’t remember anything. At least, she can’t remember being a baby. Must have been fun.

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“The results don’t lie Jennifer.” Daniel spoke rather sharply. He had knew all along that there was something going on between those two. He had been played by her, and she would have almost gotten away with it too. He could tell she was physically uncomfortable as she held the child closer to her, the child she tried to pass off as his. “I knew you were low and had next to no morals but-”

“Hey, don’t talk to her like that.” Nick was quick to defend her, strategically placing himself between him and Juniper. “You’ve done jack all but treat her like crap, you can’t talk down to her like that.” Folding his arms, he glared at Daniel. “I think it’s time for you to leave.”

Scoffing, he rolled his eyes. “Like I care. She’s your train wreck now, not mine.” And with that, he left.

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Juniper relaxed a little, but still held the baby close to her, mostly just in case he came back. She was still really confused about the results.

“Well, myself or one of the nurses will be back to check on you in a short while.” The doctor excused herself, leaving the room also.

It was just Juniper and Nick in the room, with their supposed child despite the fact that the closest they had gotten to each other was that one time her hand accidentally grazed his bum. She didn’t pay a lot of attention in science, and she knew her family could breed like rabbits, but that just wasn’t possible. “What did you do?” She asked, giving him a look.

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“I may or may not have switched the samples.” Shrugging it off as if it was nothing, he gave her a small smile.

“How?” She asked, baffled by how he did that.

“They were stickers on a beaker June, I just peeled them off and swapped them over.” He explained, and then gave her a look. “It wasn’t exactly rocket science.”

“Why?” She then asked, tilting her head at him. “You could have gotten caught and into a lot of trouble.”

“I did it because I didn’t want her going to him. That wasn’t how all this was supposed to turn out.” He explained his actions, sitting next to her. “She’s supposed to go to two loving parents, not to him.”

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“But still, what if you had gotten caught? Then what?” She asked, and then sighed heavily. “I appreciate you doing something like that for me, but please don’t do anything that stupid again. If you had gotten caught…” She trailed off, not wanting to think about it.

“You’re right, it was really stupid and I’m sorry. I just… When I was in there with him he was on his phone as if this whole thing didn’t matter to him, and then I thought about everything that had happened to you and what you had gone through and everything that’s going to happen, it just really rubbed me the wrong way. I know Anthony’s a great lawyer but he could have probably found a team of people like Anthony, and I didn’t want her to grow up with someone like him. I don’t want her to know someone like him as dad.” Without meaning to, his voice got slightly louder as he spoke as he got more riled up about what could have happened. “I guess we both make stupid mistakes, huh?” Taking a moment to calm himself down, he then tried to change the subject. “I think she’s probably the blondest kid I’ve ever seen.” He pointed out, glancing over at the baby.

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“Do you want to hold her?” She offered, and then smiled sheepishly. “My arms are getting kinda tired and I don’t think they’d appreciate it if we dropped their baby.”

Nick carefully took the baby from her. He wasn’t entirely sure how to feel right now. It was kind of weird because it felt like the baby should be coming home with them, but she’s not. Part of him did wish that the baby was coming home with them, but he and Juniper weren’t in the position to be looking after another baby, no matter how cute and charming she seemed to be already. “Are you sure Daniel was even there when she was made? She looks pretty much like your double.” He pointed out, smiling as he did so.

“I’m kind of surprised Daniel believed she could be yours. She’s way too blonde to be yours.” She laughed a little, also looking over at the baby. “I wonder what they’re going to call her.”

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“I think they might still be in the waiting room, if your arms have recovered I’ll go get them.” He smiled at her, handing her back the baby.

“I hope they’re not angry that the whole custody thing turned out to be, well, y’know.” She mumbled, holding the baby close. It was weird holding her, because she felt like hers and not hers at the same time.

“They won’t be.” He assured her, leaving her alone in the room with the baby.

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“You do look a lot like me.” Juniper mumbled to the baby, smiling slightly. It made her smile to see the baby seemingly respond to her voice, as if she recognised it. “Blonde hair, purple eyes… maybe when you’re older, people might mistake us for twins.” She laughed lightly, albeit slightly bittersweetly. Sighing heavily, she mumbled. “There’s going to be a day when you figure out the truth, but please don’t hate me. I did this for you. I didn’t do it because I don’t love you, that’s the opposite reason. I love you so much, I want you to have two parents who love you and who can devote their full time to you. You might find it unfair because you have an older sister, and you’ll likely have younger siblings too, but I just hope one day you’ll understand.” She whispered, cuddling the baby close. “I’m doing this because I love you, and I don’t want you to have to grow up sharing a room with two older sisters with only one bathroom between you, where I’ve not got a proper job and where you can’t be proud of me. I promise I’ll still see you though, on your birthdays and maybe on mine. I’ll get you Christmas presents too, don’t worry.” She laughed a little, and then said solemnly. “Please, don’t hate me for this. I hope you’ll understand, even if you think it makes no sense that you have a sister, maybe more siblings one day… You’ll understand hopefully one day.”

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She was quiet for a while before Anthony and Lukas came in. Juniper smiled at them and asked. “Do you want to meet your little girl?”

“Hey baby girl.” Lukas came over to Juniper and carefully took the baby from her arms. “She’s so beautiful.” He was unable to believe this was finally happening.

“She really is.” Anthony agreed, coming up behind his husband to look at the baby. “She looks a lot like you Jen.”

“She does, Nick said that as well.” Juniper agreed, watching them with her baby. Well, was she her baby anymore? She was more like their baby.

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“So, what actually happened regarding the paternity test? I thought you said that you weren’t the dad.” Anthony pointed out, looking between Nick and Jen. He had a feeling something was going on between the two of them; they were exceedingly close for just friends.

“It’s kind of a long story,” Nick started, unsure of where to go with this. Could he really tell them what he did?

“It’s not that long. Daniel went on a lot of business trips, sometimes leaving me alone. I was feeling lonely and you came in to comfort me. We never really anticipated anything to happen, and didn’t expect anything to happen. I didn’t really think much of it as it was only once, but I guess once is all it takes.” She came up with the excuse, glancing up at him. If he could mess up the test like that for her and the baby, risking to face whatever consequences came from that, then she could at least lie and cover him.

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Lukas looked at the baby and then back at them, feeling a newfound sense of dread. “You’re still okay with our arrangement, right?” Asking quietly, he was scared of the answer.

“Mine or not, the reasons for not keeping her still stand.” Nick clarified, giving a small smile.

It was Juniper who then asked them “Have you thought about a name for her?”

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“A few, but none of them seem quite right now she’s here, none seem to fit her. We liked floral names like Lily or Daisy. There was Rose but, well, you know. It’d be a bit weird having Roisin and Rose.” Anthony explained, giving a rather sheepish smile.

“We then also wanted something similar to your name if it was a girl, a way of saying thank you for her.” Grinning, Lukas added this.

“You don’t have to do that.” Juniper smiled in return. It wouldn’t really mean much if her daughter shared her fake name, after all, it wasn’t her actual name.

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“What about the name Juniper?” Nick suggested, ignoring the look adult Juniper was giving him. “It’s a floral name, its similar to Jen’s name, and I think she kinda looks like a Juniper.”

“Juniper…” Anthony mumbled, considering it. Lukas stayed quiet for a while, clearly thinking before voicing his opinion.

“I like that name. I think it suits her.”

“I like it too. Little baby Juniper.”

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It was a while later and visiting hours were over. Nick had been allowed to stay with Juniper though, because he was put down as the baby’s biological father, despite not being the baby’s dad.

It was unusually quiet for the two of them, Nick being the one to break the silence. “Are you sure you don’t want a picture with her?” She had made him pack a camera specifically so that she had a picture at least of herself and the baby, but now she didn’t seem all too fussed.

“Maybe later.” She mumbled, not wanting to do it because it would make it feel harder to give her up. Sighing slightly, she muttered. “Hopefully that Juniper is luckier in love than I am. I hope she doesn’t end up in a situation like this; having to give away a baby because she can’t keep it and look after it properly.”

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“I wouldn’t say you’re unlucky, I’d just say you’ve not found the ending yet, you know?” He suggested, smiling slightly.

She smiled, and then started to laugh. “I never thought I’d hear you say something like that. What happened to the Nick that didn’t believe in love and thought it was dead?”

“That was recently divorced, bitter Nick. I’m not recently divorced and I’m not as bitter anymore.” He pointed out, folding his arms. “What happened to the Juniper who believed in love and finding the one and all that junk?”

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“What can I say? After I’ve dated and had a child with another blonde douche, and still for the most part single, I guess I’m losing hope.” She pointed out, sighing heavily and looking over at baby Juniper. It was weird having a child with the same name as her.

“Maybe you should stop dating blonde guys then?” He suggested. “Go wild, try a brunette.” He joked, grinning as he did so.

“Do you believe in the one?” She asked out of interest, glancing over at him.

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Shrugging, he then clarified. “I dunno. It kinda fluctuates. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. When I was with Elle I did, and believed she was the one, and after she left me, I stopped and thought it was all a hoax.”

“And now?” Juniper pressed.

Smiling slightly at her, he answered. “I think I might be starting to again.”

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Glancing over at the baby, Juniper asked. “Can you get her for me? I think I want the picture with her.”

Nick got up and handed baby Juniper to adult Juniper. “I figured you’d end up changing your mind sooner or later.” Getting his camera out of the bag, he took a moment to make sure it was set up properly. “You ready?” He asked, and at her nod, he took the picture. “It’s sweet.” He commented, and then showed her the picture.

“Yeah, it is.” She agreed, smiling as she did so. At least she had something to remember all this by, even if it was just a picture. She knew that she could keep some contact with baby Juniper, but not a lot. It was important to make the last few moments count, before saying goodbye.

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There was a moment as they sat next to each other on the hospital bed, close proximity. She mumbled quietly. “You know, I think you’ll fine someone soon. Someone nice.”

“Oh?” He asked, intrigued by this. “Which intuition you playing on? Psychic one or mom one?”

Shrugging, Juniper grinned. “Bit of both.” She then explained. “I just feel like we’re coming to the end of something, you know? You’ve definitely got full custody of Lainey and Elle’s out of your life, and I think I’ve been through all the blonde arsehole drama I can deal with for this lifetime… I dunno. I just feel like things are gonna change soon.”

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“Change for the better or are you planning being dramatic with a ginger next?” He teased, and then added. “Not so sure how you can top what you’ve already done though. Maybe try having twins.”

“No more being insanely dramatic. I think things are going to change for the better.” Ignoring his teasing, she smiled at him, an action which he reciprocated. There was a pause, seemingly a hiatus of them both just smiling. Neither of them knew exactly what they were doing as they began to move slightly closer to each other. His hand moved, about to caress her cheek when they were interrupted by the baby making a fuss.

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Nick moved away from her, snapping out of whatever daze they were both in first. What was he thinking? She had just had another man’s child, she almost certainly wasn’t interested in something like that right now. “Sorry, I uhm…” He trailed off, feeling awkward.

“No, no, don’t I just- never mind.” She smiled slightly at him before trying to work out what the baby wanted.

“I’ll just give you two some privacy.” He decided, leaving the room.

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“C’mon baby don’t cry. Please don’t cry?” Juniper tried to stop the baby from crying, but it seemed to not much avail. “Please stop. Please? You’re going to make me start crying soon.” She held the baby close, trying that technique, and was happy that the baby started to calm down. “Was that all you wanted? To be close to me before we say goodbye?” Pulling the baby away, she wanted to look at her daughter and ignore the fact that her voice was wavering. “I don’t think you’re my carbon copy, you look a little like my mom too.” She confessed, smiling slightly.

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Sighing heavily, she mumbled. “This is only going to get harder before it gets easier.” The baby was resting mostly on her thighs, and she drew little lines on the baby’s tummy, remembering that Roisin used to like that when she was this small. “It’s going to sound weird, but I never thought of you as a person. I always thought of you as something to give away, or a great way of getting to sit down on buses and tubes, and also an annoyance when random people kept touching me and asking when I was due, like they had some kind of right to just randomly touch me just because I was pregnant.” Rolling her eyes at the memory, she then continued. “Even when I felt you move and kick, you never felt like a baby to me, and now you’re here… You have no idea how badly I want to keep you.” At this point she started to cry. “It worked not thinking of you as a person because that way this would be easier.”

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Wiping away her tears, she whispered. “I told myself I wouldn’t cry, because I was aware of the ending the whole time. Right from when I found out about you, I knew I wouldn’t be keeping you. I tried not to fall in love with you because I know it’d be harder, but here we are. You’re a perfect little charmer who’s made me fall harder and faster than I thought possible. I didn’t want to love you because you’re not mine to love, but I guess you just have that effect on me, don’t you June-bug?”

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“But you’re going to love your dads. I know you are. Hell, I’ve only known them a few months and I love them. Me and Lukas went and got our nails done and he said that if I saw anything I liked for you while we were out that he’d get it for you. I’ve picked out quite a few cute little things for you, hopefully they’ll tell you what, but I don’t know. Your other dad, Anthony, is such a great guy. He cares about so much, I know he might seem a little cold or scary sometimes, but he cares so much and I know he cares so much about you. Both of them do.”

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“I think that’s the problem. Too many people are in love with you.” Laughing a little, she then sighed. “I wish I didn’t start cuddling you. I wish they had just given you straight to your dads because this has made it so much harder than what I could have ever anticipated. I know they’ll be here soon, ready to take you home. It just hurts that home isn’t with me.” Sighing heavily, she kissed the top of the baby’s head. “Just… please understand one day. I’m doing this because I love you.” Holding her daughter for what could be the final time, Juniper did everything possible to make this moment last. “I love you, so much.”

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AN: This chapter is exactly 5000 words long, (excluding this AN) without a doubt the longest chapter I’ve done to date (I think at least?)

I know it’s not a proper baby (like game one) but a resized one but do you know how difficult baby poses are? Their rigs are like evil, like they were made in Satan’s arsehole or something. They’re confusing and I was like “why go to so much trouble for a burrito when we can have a resized toddler?” If Juniper has more kids in the future though, they’ll be burritos, don’t worry. It’s just because we’d only see baby Juniper about once and this was a very baby pose heavy chapter, and I didn’t want to mess around posing burritos. I know the baby looked kinda big to say it’s a newborn (I think? I dunno I’ve never seen a baby that’s like an hour old, the youngest baby I’ve seen was my cousin when she was like a month old but she was premature so she was small-ish).

And sorry if the poses look weird, I have no fucking clue how you hold babies (Carys knows, I was trying to convince her to adopt one for a period of time so she can work it out and tell me but she said no ¬-¬) all I know is you need to support the head (I only know that because I wasn’t doing that when I was 10 and holding my cousin and I had to like have a cushion under my arms while holding her lmao) which is happening in all of the poses so… 😀

 Also, because I know that not everyone follows me on tumblr, over there I was tagged to do a moodboard and I did one for Junie and I’m secretly rather proud so I’m gonna share it here just because

Juniper's Mood Board

Tada 😀

I low-key hate how I called her Juniper (as in the baby) because I hate it when parents do that: naming their kids after themselves like why? Did you creativity fly out the window? No offence intended if anyone’s done that, but I just don’t get it, I mean there are SO MANY names, why pick your own?

I guess this has sentimental value because they’ll always be even more connected by their names, buuuuuuut this is the only time this will ever happen. I think it was tired/tipsy me who thought “IT WoULd BeE CUtE if BABy and JUnipER haD tHe SAAAAmE NAAAAMeeee”

that me is an idiot and idk why I trust her with anything. But, I kinda agree with her that I like how they have the same name. Plus I doubt we’ll see her much anyway (not before chapter 50 (BIG THINGS HAPPEN THEN TRUST ME AH I AM HYPED FOR IT) at least and I dunno when after that and I’m planning on things moving slightly faster because damn this is taking AGES this time last generation all babies were born and I think this was the one where Alyssa bought a wedding dress before being engaged, like Alyssa was almost a grandmother this time last generation jesus christ I need to pull up my socks, then again last generation I wasn’t murdering teenagers on tumblr nor blonde husbands on wordpress/blogger so…)

Chapter 3.42 Unwanted Attention

“I just want to say thanks again for bringing me out.”

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Juniper smiled at Lukas as she said this. The two of them had spend the day together, mostly just to know each other better and because he wanted her to feel slightly more involved when it comes to decorating the nursery and buying things for the baby. That and the two of them got manicures in a very open place (he made sure to check it out and check it was safe before they went there).

“It’s okay, I really enjoy spending time with you Jen.” Lukas smiled back at her, the two of them sitting down at the table.

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“I like spending time with you too.” She smiled in return. “I especially needed it today. Nick took the girls to an ice skating rink for a daddy daughters day, and between that making me feel slightly nervous and nesting instincts…” Shaking her head at herself, she smiled slightly sheepishly. “I guess I’m just glad to get out of the house, and I know the girls are too.” Because it was getting closer to her due date, she mostly wanted to stay at home and so did Nick, meaning that Roisin and Lainey had to suffer and couldn’t do many fun things.

“I feel kind of the same way, happy to get out of the house. I wanted to get a few last minute things for the baby, I know what you’re about to say and don’t.” He warned, teasingly.

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“I’m not going to say anything, especially nothing about you already spoiling the baby before it’s even born.” Joking, Juniper grinned at him. Even though she’d never admit it, it made her happy to think that the baby was going to get everything he or she wanted and more.

“You’re starting to sound like my husband now.” He accused jokingly and then stood. “What do you want me to get for you?”

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“Probably just a hot chocolate, something to keep me warm and make sure my hands don’t fall off.” She laughed a little. It was always so cold in the city during winter months, but she kind of liked it. “And that cake in particular has been calling out to me.”

“Do you want the normal hot chocolate or the one with all the cream and marshmallows and stuff?” He asked.

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Shrugging, she grinned. “That depends.”

“On?”

“On whether you think me giving you a child in the next week-ish is worth splashing out and getting me the fancy one.” Grinning at him, she responded cheekily.

Giving a single laugh, he grinned back at her. “Alright, the special one it is then.”

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As Lukas went to get their orders, Juniper found herself having a moment of peace. She couldn’t really remember the last time she wasn’t talking to someone or had someone around. Nick was watching the girls which was nice for her. Even though she loved them both indescribably, she needed time away sometimes. That and she liked spending time with Lukas. He was really nice, and she knew both he and Anthony would be good with the baby. It made her happy to know that her baby was going to good people.

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She had a feeling that the two of them were getting suspicious of her; thinking that she found out the gender without them as she kept picking out pink things whenever they asked if she wanted to find things for the baby (Anthony was the one who pointed it out), it wasn’t her fault she had seen them with a daughter.

She didn’t quite know how to feel at that thought: she was having a girl. She preferred not to think about it too deeply.

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As the door opened, she looked up instinctively and felt herself go cold at what she saw. It was a kind of sudden coldness, also feeling an inability to move as to what she saw.

Daniel.

With another woman, one who seemed similar to herself.

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As she locked eyes with him from across the cafe, she saw him look her up and down, a displeased look on his face.

Without thinking about it, her arm went over her bump, almost defensively as she returned by glaring at him. If she was in any other state, she’d go over and confront him and the new girl he was with, but at this moment, she took advantage of the power of her glare, feeling slightly confident in the fact that she didn’t do as he suggested, and that she could make two deserving people happy with the choice that she made, rather than keep someone like him happy.

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Juniper noticed out of the corner of her eyes that his new trophy was looking between her and him, but she kept the glare at Daniel, and simply raised an eyebrow at him. Her expression was telling him to leave and not look back, and she was proud of herself as he snarled at her and left.

She felt proud that she got her way, without causing a massive scene.

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Lukas saw Jennifer glaring at some random man by the door, some guy and a woman about half his age. He couldn’t help but wonder what was going on, mostly because of the very intense glare she was giving him. After it was seemingly over he sat down with their drinks and her muffin. “Who was that guy?” He asked, curious. Whoever it was, she must have some beef with him.

“You saw that?” She asked, slightly worried. She didn’t want him getting the wrong impression, that even though she was nice (well as nice as she usually was) with them that she was secretly a bitch.

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“I only saw because I was paying attention to you, no one else was paying too close attention I don’t think.” He assured her before following up with. “Do you know him from somewhere?” As he took a drink, part of him was intrigued to what she was going to say.

“I guess you could say that I know him from somewhere.” She mumbled and then clarified. “He’s the baby’s dad.”

Choking slightly on his drink, Lukas wasn’t expecting that answer. “What? S-So he’s the guy…” Trailing off, he put his drink back down on the table.

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“Yep.” Juniper answered, sighing slightly. “He’s the guy who gave me a cheque and pushed me towards getting an abortion.” She put rather bluntly, shaking her head slightly. “I’ve not seen him since I first told him. I guess it’s just… I dunno.” She changed the ending of that sentence part way, not wanting to have a teary feelings session in the middle of a cafe.

“Hey.” Noticing that she seemed close to tears, he put his hand over hers in a comforting manner. “You shouldn’t let someone like him get to you. He’s just one guy, one insignificant guy who doesn’t know a good thing when he’s got one. You’re funny, smart, pretty, selfless, you’ve got great nails.” He joked with the last one, and was happy to get a laugh out of her. “For every guy like him, there’s a different guy, one who’ll be there for you.”

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Narrowing her eyes at him, she asked. “Are we doing this again?”

“Doing what?” Lukas asked innocently, drinking some of his coffee.

“This thing you’ve got with me and Nick.” She pointed out.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Shrugging innocently, he then grinned at her.

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“Yes you do, I swear, you’re the worst. I swear, it’s like the moment you met the two of us and found out we weren’t dating you’ve been dropping so many hints.” She laughed and then shook her head. “There’s nothing going on between us, I’m kind of preoccupied with the fallout from my last breakup anyway.”

“You say that now but I give it a year.” He gave his prediction, and continued with. “I wasn’t at first, I kinda thought he was playing for our team if you get what I mean, but then I saw the looks.”

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“What looks?” She asked him, drinking some of her hot chocolate.

“See, you don’t see it because you take part in it. The way he looks at you and the way you look back at him… You can’t honestly tell me that nothing’s going on there.”

“Lukas, sweetie, I know this may be hard for you to hear but nothing is going on. Nothing.” She assured him, smiling slightly as she did so. “We’re just friends.”

“Okay, okay.” He agreed verbally, but he knew that there was something more between them, even if she refused to admit it.

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“I’m home.” Juniper called as she walked back into the flat, she figured Nick was probably back by now with the girls.

“Mommy!” Roisin squealed, running up to Juniper and hugging her, somewhat throwing Juniper’s balance slightly.

“Careful sweetie.” She mumbled, taking a step back to regain her balance. “Did you have fun today with Daddy?” She asked, smiling as she did so.

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Roisin shrugged, clearly not the biggest fan of ice skating. “Okay I guess.”

“I really like it.” Lainey informed her, coming from the living room with Nick following her. “Really really. Go again?” She asked, looking between both Juniper and Nick.

“Maybe once the baby’s here, like I said.” Nick reminded her, smiling at Juniper as he saw her. She couldn’t help but wonder what Lukas meant by the way he looks at her, he looks at her like how a normal person does.

“I’d love to ice skate with you Lain, but after the baby’s born, okay? That’s a promise.” Juniper smiled at her, and she meant it. It seemed like Lainey really enjoyed her time ice skating.

“Okay, promise.” Lainey grinned in response, and with that she and Roisin went off to go play in the living room.

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“So how was your day out with Lukas?” Nick asked as the two of them were alone.

“Good, good. We got our nails done.” She grinned, and sat down at the dining table. “You wouldn’t mind doing dinner tonight, would you? I know it’s my turn but my feet are killing me and I really want a nap.” She pouted, hoping he’d agree to cook dinner as she kicked off the shoes she was wearing.

“Yeah, sure that’s-” he stopped himself, and narrowed his eyes at her. “Are those my shoes?” He asked, wondering why she wore them. She was quite a few sizes smaller than him.

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“Hmm? Oh, yeah. The only shoes which fit comfortably that are mine are my sandals and flip flops, and I’d rather not lose my feet by wearing those out in the snow.” She laughed slightly. “It’s cool, right?”

“Yeah, it’s cool. I’m just surprised they fit, that’s all.”

“If it protects your manhood, they’re still way too big but I’ve got swollen pregnant lady feet so…” she knocked her feet together, as if to add emphasis. “Better to be too big than too small and tight. Did the girls both enjoy ice skating?”

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“I’m not sure if Roisin was too big of a fan of it, but Lainey loved it.” He smiled, and then continued with. “I think next time we go, I might ask about getting lessons for her if she enjoys it this much.” He answered. It made him happy to see Lainey so happy doing something, and it seemed pretty clear that at the moment she loved ice skating.

There was a silence between them, only short as Juniper confessed. “So, I saw Daniel today. He was with another woman.”

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“Daniel? As in that Daniel?” Nick asked, his eyes narrowed at the subject.

Juniper nodded, frowning as she did so. “Daniel as in baby daddy Daniel, yeah.” Sighing heavily, she mumbled. “Nothing bad came from it, we just had a mini-stare down which I won as he left, but I just can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Do you want to talk more about it?” He asked, frowning slightly. The times she did talk fully about Daniel or the baby lately, she’d get so far and then stop and say ‘I dunno’ and change the subject.

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“I guess it just made me think about what I meant to him, that’s all.” She mumbled, looking away. “I mean, I’m going through all this, and he just finds another woman, almost the exact same as me. I suppose the only bright side is that him sowing his seed everywhere means more children for adoptive couples, but it just makes me feel kinda used.”

“Not that I’m trying to get you riled up or anything, but is that really what bothered you most?” Nick had known her for a long time now, and knew that surely this couldn’t be the thing most bothering her about seeing Daniel again.

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“I don’t know what you want me to say, Nick. Do you want me to say that I wished that he shoved the other girl to the side, came over to me, proclaimed his love for me and then me, him, Roisin and the baby live together happily ever after? Because that’s not what I want. What I do want is for him to have some kind of moral decency and to, I don’t know, just not leave me out in the loop like this.” She spoke a bit louder, tears threatening to spill.

“June, I…” Nick started but soon trailed off. He wanted to say sorry for asking too much, but at the same time he knew it would be beneficial to talk about it (hopefully).

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“I don’t want to talk about this any more. It’s been a long day and I’m tired.” She mumbled, and then asked. “Can you help me up? I just want some time alone.” He took her hand as she outstretched it, and she got up with his assistance.

“I’ll let you know when dinner’s ready, alright? Don’t expect anything too spectacular.” He joked about himself, trying to lighten the atmosphere, but it didn’t work as she went into her room without saying anything more.

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As she got back to her room, she felt her phone buzz. Checking it, she saw it was a text from Daniel.

“Hey, I’m sorry about what happened today. Me and the girl you saw me with broke up.”

Narrowing her eyes, she wondered why he would bring that up. “Oh?”

“I thought it was inappropriate to date someone given the circumstances.”

“The circumstances are nothing to do with you anymore, you made that pretty clear about nine months ago.”

“That doesn’t mean I’ve stopped thinking about you.” When Juniper read that, she felt determined to not fall into his trap again, but she couldn’t help but be at least a little swayed.

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“If I’m being honest, I’ve not stopped thinking about you either. I guess it’s slightly more challenging in my condition though.”

“I’ve missed this, I’ve missed talking to you.”

“I’ve missed you.” She responded, and then closed the messaging app on her phone. What was she doing? The sensible part of her was telling her to stop, but a large part of her didn’t want to.

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AN:  I know what you’re thinking you’re probably thinking “Juniper????? The fuck???”

Also please ignore the many continuity errors at the start of this chapter   >.>   <.<

Chapter 3.41 Orchestrated Symphony

Sighing, Juniper flicked through some of the adoption files.

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She hadn’t thought so many people wanted to adopt, especially not in the city. When she called the adoption agency, they had asked her what she would be looking for in adoptive parents and all she could think of was a married couple, but that had a few hundred results so she had to refine it down.

She had tried to whittle it down as far as she could, giving more wanted features (such as financially stable and one parent being willing to give up work when the baby’s still young) but there was still a lot. It was starting to panic her because part of her felt like she was running out of time, even though there was months still to go.

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“You’re still up? It’s like two in the morning. I think you should be going to bed soon.” Nick asked, walking into the living room. “All the files will still be here in the morning.”

“Can’t sleep. I tried but I just kept thinking about stuff.” She excused, opening another file as she mumbled. “I didn’t realise so many people wanted a baby.”

“I know, and it’s not like you’re being vague anymore either.” Sitting down next to her, he glanced too at all the files. “What have you put down for again?” He asked, knowing that she had gone really specific about the kind of couple she wanted now.

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“A wealthy couple in a house with at least two stories who have been married or in a civil partnership for over five years, non smokers, no other children, experience with children though and who have a family pet. One of the parents must have a respectable career and the other must be willing to give up or greatly minimise their job for the baby, I don’t want to give him or her away just for a nanny to raise them.” She clarified that last point. “As well as that,  I want them to live in a wealthy area with a good range of schools nearby and also for the parents to have trustworthy family members, meaning family members with no criminal records whatsoever, in the local vicinity. As well as that, being relatively close to here, but not too close. Just so it won’t take hours and hours to meet them but also so they’re far away enough so it’s not awkward.”

“And there’s still this many?” He asked, looking at all the files around them.

She nodded in response. “These are only some of them, some of the older ones on the system.”

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She stayed quiet for a while before mumbling. “Am I doing the right thing? Sometimes I feel like I am but sometimes… I dunno. I told some of my friends from work and they didn’t get why I was going through all the trouble if I’m not actually going to keep it.”

“I guess that’s something you’ve got to think about. It’s going to be difficult no matter what you choose, it’s just whether or not another baby is a good idea right now.” Nick mumbled, glancing over at her. “I mean, keeping it would mean either Lainey and I moving out so you’ve got my room, or all of us finding a new place, and then I don’t know. It’s not going to be easy either way, it’s just what’s best for you and the baby. Personally, I think you’re doing the right thing. I don’t want my opinion to sway your feelings because it’s not my choice to make, but I can tell that you don’t really want another baby right now.”

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She smiled slightly at him. “Thanks, I think I needed to hear that.” Sighing heavily, she then grumbled. “My friends at work think it’s weird because, well, I’m not sixteen and I already have one child and I could if I really wanted to, keep it and manage.” Looking at the floor, she then mumbled to herself. “I don’t think I’m being selfish, despite what they think. They probably think I’m doing it because I’m selfish, but I’m doing it because I know he or she or whatever pronoun it wants to go by will be happier with someone who can properly look after them and who have their lives thought out better than I do. I mean, the only stable thing I’ve had since moving here is you, and I know it’ll have both of us who’ll love it if we do keep it, but you’re right. I don’t want another baby and I know even though you’d be more than willing to, it’s not fair on you. I know I’d be able to love him or her, but so would other people. And, honest to honest, I know you get paid a fair amount but I make peanuts and I don’t want us to be worrying about money and stuff, and I know you’d be willing to pitch in money-wise, but if I’ve got to ask you for money all the time… I just think this is the best option; giving the baby to parents who can actually manage a kid right now.”

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“You shouldn’t pay too much attention to what your coworkers say.” Sighing slightly, he mumbled. “I think it’s probably best to go to bed soon, look over some of these in the morning.” He stood up, knocking one of the files off of the sofa.

“Careful, I want to keep these neat.” She chided him, picking up the contents of the fallen folder, and standing up again as she looked it over. Reading what was written, she tilted her head and smiled slightly as she read the file.

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“What’s that smile about?” He asked, curious as to what was on the piece of paper.

“I think I’ve found a couple I like.” She mumbled, handing him the piece of paper which outlined the family who wanted to adopt

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“Anthony and Lukas, hmm?” He hummed, reading it over.

“They’ve been in a civil partnership for ten years, four of those years they’ve been married for. Anthony is a lawyer and Lukas works in the media and is willing to go part time if they get picked. Neither of them smoke, and they don’t have another child, but they have fostered before. They have a dog called Pebbles and they’re open to an open adoption.” Juniper smiled, reciting what it said.

“They’ve also been on the records for quite a while.” Nick mumbled, pointing out the only negative thing there.

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“That might not be their fault, you never know. People can be arseholes.” Juniper defended them. In all honesty, she had started to picture how her baby would fit in with them, and she thinks that the baby would like them. She liked them.

“If you want, we can phone up the agency tomorrow and ask to meet with them, but don’t become set on them because you never know what they might be like.” Nick pointed out, rather warily as he looked over it again. They seemed like good people, but he didn’t want her getting her hopes up if they weren’t who she was expecting.

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“They live on the other side of the bridge, right?” Nick asked, starting up the car. When Juniper called the agency at a more reasonable hour, they managed to get a meeting with the couple at their place pretty quickly. Roisin and Lainey were being watched by Sarah (they knew what the two of them could be like in new places: either over excited or upset by the unfamiliar place, and either reaction wasn’t the best attitude for this kind of trip).

Nodding, Juniper grinned. The larger, more expensive, houses were on the other side of the bridge. “I told you they seemed good.” Gasping slightly, she then asked. “Do you think they live near any celebrities?”

“I know what you’re thinking, and no we’re not touring around trying to spot celebrities doing ordinary things.” Nick grumbled, starting the car. “We’re going to focus on meeting them, and who they are as people and not get swayed by a pretty house or fancy jobs or celebrities nearby or anything.”

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“Do you think she’ll like us?”

“Why wouldn’t she? We’re good people, educated good people with a lot to offer.”

“I know but what if she gets put off by us for the same reason a few others did?”

“Then we’ll just have to keep trying.”

“I know but-“

“It’ll be fine. We’ll just be ourselves and hope for the best. I have a good feeling about this time anyway.”

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“I feel kinda weird ringing the doorbell, I mean, I don’t know them.” Juniper mumbled, hesitating before ringing the doorbell. Rolling his eyes in response, Nick had no such anxiety and just pressed it. “Well, that solved that.” She mumbled, glancing at him and raising an eyebrow.

“If you’re going to be willing to give them your kid, you’ve got to at least learn to ring the doorbell.” He pointed out, giving her a look in response to which she just rolled her eyes.”That and it’s pissing it down. I’m not going to stand out here and wait for you to get the courage to ring a damn doorbell.”

“I’m nervous, okay? This is the first time meeting them and if they aren’t right then it’s back to the drawing board when it comes to couples who want to adopt. And it’s not like I can keep putting it off because there’s a pretty strict time limit on this issue.” She pointed out, and then shushed him when she heard people coming to the door.

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Juniper wasn’t all too sure what to expect when the couple opened the door. She expected… Well. She didn’t know at all. She had no idea. All she knew was what she had read about them. She hadn’t seen a picture or anything.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Lukas and my husband Anthony is somewhere inside. You’re Jennifer, right?” The man who answered the door both was and wasn’t what she was expecting. She was expecting to see someone of a similar age to Nick, and expected him to be well dressed, but she didn’t picture him like this. Both she and Nick stepped inside the house as he opened the door wider for the two of them.

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“Yeah, I’m Jen and this is my friend Nick, he’s here for like moral support.” She explained as she smiled in return. She didn’t want to admit that Nick mostly came along just in case it was some elaborate set up to kill her and sell her organs on the black market (his theory, not hers). “Do you mind if I use your bathroom? I’ve been holding it in since like the bridge.” Smiling rather sheepishly, she hated the lack of service stations in Bridgeport (and Nick’s refusal to stop at them. She didn’t care if she had already stopped at three, she needed to stop at them to get food, and then the next one because the first one didn’t have the magazine in stock she liked, and then the third one was because they were advertising a really cool coffee shop with pretty awesome looking donuts, and a large drink and long car ride don’t mix well.).

“Sure, it’s upstairs and turn right. The second door on the left.” Lukas explained, smiling as he did so.

“Thanks.” And with that, she headed upstairs rather quickly.

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There was a short silence before Lukas asked rather nervously. “So, are you the child’s-“

“No, I’m not the dad.” Nick responded rather quickly, anticipating where the question was going. “The dad’s some hotshot business man, he owns a lot of the buildings around town and he was pretty much only using Jen as something pretty to show off, but then she got pregnant and things went south from there, south meaning cutting all ties from her and pretending like all this never happened.” Explaining the circumstances rather briefly, he then gave a small smile. “Luckily, she doesn’t seem all to beat up about everything. I’m not so sure how much she actually liked him, but she’s good at hiding how she’s feeling so.” He shrugged. “But still, I don’t think she’s too broken-hearted.”

“So, she wouldn’t mind if either me or my husband asked any questions about him?” Lukas asked, and then quickly followed up with. “Nothing personal, it’s just things so we know, you know?”

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“As long as you’re fine with her doing the same thing, but also get that there’s some things she might not want to talk about.” He stated clearly, not wanting Juniper to get upset even more by all this.

“Understood.” Lukas nodded as the two of them walked into the adjacent living room. “You’ll have to excuse if there are any pawprints anywhere, our dog likes bringing in the mud from outside.”

The photograph above the mantle had caught Nick’s eye, mostly because he recognised it as his own. In college, to make money, he ended up selling quite a lot of the photos he had taken, and some of them went for quite a lot, like the one on the mantle did. “It’s a nice picture.”

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“It’s one of the first pieces we bought.” It was a different male voice, presumably Lukas’ husband Anthony. “I’m Anthony, it’s nice to meet you.” He held his hand out for a handshake. Just by looking at him, it was pretty clear he was a lawyer. He had that aura about him – one where he seemed like a nice guy now but in a court room? Not the same story.

“I’m Nick, I’m Jen’s friend and roommate.” Shaking his hand in response, he gave a small smile. “So, anyway, about the picture, where’d you get it from?”

“We went to an auction at the university here, and when we saw this picture, we knew we wanted it, so we put a bid large enough so that no one else could get it.” Lukas explained, smiling as he did so. “We thought it looked good enough for a professional, not just some uni student. That being said though, they’re probably not a uni student anymore. I do hope they’re still doing something like that.”

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Nick stayed quiet at that, not quite wanting to announce that it was his work, mostly because he wasn’t doing that kind of photography anymore, but that kind of photography only just paid the bills .

“Sorry about that, oh, you must be Anthony.” Juniper noticed another person as she entered the living room. “I’m Jen, it’s nice to meet you.” She smiled, and couldn’t help but feel a similar feeling meeting him as to when she was with Sam. Maybe it was that whole power thing making her feel slightly nervous, but it was different, she knew that he worked with a lot of charities in his spare time and helped them fight for what was right. He was one of the good guys, unlike Sam.

“It’s nice to meet you also.” He smiled warmly at her, and then the four of them sat down in the living room.

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“Not gonna lie, I don’t really know how these things work.” Smiling rather sheepishly, Juniper confessed this. “Do we just ask questions and stuff? Because I’ve got quite a few I’ve been thinking of.”

“I think there’s a few things we’ve been thinking of too. You can ask what you want to, and then we’ll do ours?” Anthony suggested, smiling at her.

“Sure, that sounds good.” Grinning, Juniper agreed with them and then asked. “So, I know you stated in your application that one of you, specifically Lukas, would be willing to give up work to look after a baby full time, is that still the case? I’m asking because when I was little, I always had my dad around and I think it’s important to be bonding with your parents, and not random babysitters, you know?”

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“That’s still the case. I’d still be willing to give up work for a baby and only going back part time when the baby’s at school age.” He confirmed, nodding as he did so.

“Okay, and this is more of a medical one. There’s no hereditary issues or anything, right? And you both live healthy lives and stuff, right?” She asked, figuring that she’d want them to be around for her baby for a long time.

“Nothing of concern.” Anthony answered, and then mentioned. “While we’re on the topic of medical related things, if you do choose us, we’d be willing to pay for all baby related medical expenses. We were going to ask you something similar and I think it’d probably be best now. So,  anything medically to be aware of?”

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“I have kinda bad eyesight and I think that’s about it on my side. That, and the only other thing is that babies in my family tend to be born after the due date, but that’s about it.” It’s nothing that could be proven or anything, but she figured that was probably something hereditary. Roisin was late, Melody’s baby Chloe was late, and she could recall that Benji was late too, and she’s pretty sure that her dad mentioned at some point or another that she was late as well, so it seemed like a common theme. She decided against mentioning the whole psychic thing, mostly because they’ll probably think she’s lost it if she brought it up. “I don’t know much about the dad’s side.”

“When you say bad eyesight…” Lukas started, seeming rather concerned. “How bad?”

“Not that bad. I mean, I need to wear glasses or contacts full time, but it’s not that bad. I can still drive and stuff.” She clarified, and then took a moment before asking. “You also mentioned about possibly doing an open adoption, I was wondering if that would still be okay? I’m not talking overly open, I more mean things like on his or her birthday and near Christmas being able to see him or her.” She spoke in a small voice, not sure if having an open adoption would be a smart idea as it might just only cause her more heartbreak, but it’s what she wanted.

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“We’re still fine with it being open. Obviously there’s a limit to how open, coming over every day is too much obviously, but we’d be more than happy to send pictures and keep in as much contact as we find comfortable.” Anthony explained, smiling slightly as he did so.

“I think that’s understandable.” Juniper agreed, as she tried to remember all the other things she wanted to ask.

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“I really like them.” Juniper grinned as she and Nick were back in the car on the way home. They had been in silence for a while before she said this. “I think they’re sweet and I think the baby will be happy with them, and it seems like they will really care about him or her.”

“Yeah.” Nick answered shortly.

“Is everything alright? You’ve been acting weird since we left.” She pointed out, frowning at him.

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“It’s nothing.” He excused, not especially wanting to talk about it.

“It’s obviously not nothing. You can’t play that game with me.” Raising an eyebrow, she then asked. “What’s going on?”

Sighing heavily, he mumbled. “You saw that picture they had, right? That picture above the mantle.”

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“Yeah, it was pretty. It looked kinda similar to the things you take and edit, the editing it similar to your style.” She noted. Since seeing some of his work, she’s noticed that he has a specific way of editing things, and so did a lot of photographers, they all had their distinct style.

“It was mine. It was one I did way back in university, in my third year.” He pointed out, and mumbled. “I dunno, I guess seeing it kinda got to me today. It made me think about when I used to take pictures of whatever I wanted to and I’d edit them and sell them, and how I’ve not done that in ages. I usually take pictures for things, like people will ask me to get specific pictures for travel guides or for adverts or whatever.” Sighing again, he spoke quietly. “I guess I just kinda feel like a sellout, not really doing it because I love it, but more because it earns more.”

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“Why don’t you do it more often?” She asked, looking over at him. “Taking pictures for the sake of taking them I mean.”

“In what time?” He asked rather bluntly. “I’ve got other stuff I need to do June. There’s Roisin and Lainey to look after while you’re at college-” He started but was cut off.

“Yeah, but I’m stopping this year soon and joining back again in September. Because they aren’t really capable of giving so much time off before and after having the baby, I’ve been told I’ll need to repeat the year next year, so I’ve essentially got from about next month to the next academic year off.” She pointed out. She found it rather unfair, but at the same time, if she was missing so many lessons and classes and assignments, then it kinda makes sense that she’d have to repeat the year. At least it means that she’ll be able to relax a lot more than what she thought she would be able to. It was hard on her feet standing up for so long at college anyway, let alone when pregnant.

Smiling slightly in response, he muttered. “I’ll think about it.”

______________________________

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

that’s all

just screaming

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

why is that one spelt wrong but the first one isn’t?

google chrome what you been smokin’?

I could use this space to talk about all the stuff I’ve done recently, but nah

If you wanna know about my personal life at least take me out to dinner first 😉 or just seem intrigued in the comments idk whatever

♪I just wanna be part of your syyyymphonnnnyyyyyyyy symphooonnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyy♪

you’re welcome

So some of the stuff I have done recently, gosh where do I start? I went to Auschwitz about a month ago and that was an eye opener. I went with this project thing that school had a link with. It’s a very haunting place to be, both in the museum and the actual place. I think I expected it to be in black and white with fog on the ground and hear distant train sounds, but it was a sunny day in Poland, no fog, all in colour, no trains. It’s just weird to think about what had happened and how it all happened in that place. It was massive too. Like, if you were stood in the middle, you couldn’t see the end of the fence to the left nor to the right, and you couldn’t see the chambers really either (mostly because they were destroyed to hide the evidence late in the war).

I think what stood out most was little things in the museum. There was a pair of nice red shoes, and someone probably brought them figuring in case they ever went out, not knowing what would happen. As well as that, there were videos before the war of people in their villages and I was just stood in that room, watching all the happy people who soon became victims of the world’s greatest tragedy, crying my eyes out at how unjust it was.

I think the scariest thing was that there was a book with names in of all the victims, and me being me I tried to find my last name (I have a very unusual last name. Never met anyone with it who isn’t related to me) and I saw someone in there with my last name (I’m Jewish on one side of my family so it’s not like it’s completely random) and I think it just threw me off because, well, y’know.

I think it’s something everyone needs to see, definitely, especially the museum place in Auschwitz I, mostly because it humanised the experience. Hearing that 6 million Jewish people got murdered is sad, but you can’t picture it. If you imagine one person having a pair of pretty shoes taken off from them and then being sent unknowingly to their death, having all their hair shaved off and then burned… It becomes more human I think and I think that’s what’s important. Move away from the statistics.

Chapter 3.40 Rip off the Plaster

Today Lainey had an interview at a primary school.

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Juniper had promised Nick that she would join him going, but she just couldn’t get out of bed. She knew it was important to him, which made her feel more guilty, but she just couldn’t bring herself to get up.

It wasn’t a laziness thing, it was more of a ‘if I lift my head I will puke’ thing. She was just waiting a bit for this sickness to pass, and then she’d be fine and dandy and ready to go. She didn’t even understand why it was required, then again, it was a pretty nice school (nicer than some of the others in the city)

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Unfortunately, she had been feeling this way since she woke up, and she woke up quite a while ago. Even though she felt crap, she still wanted to be there for Nick because he’s been freaking out about what school he wanted Lainey to go to for a while. She didn’t want to flake on him, but she just felt so awful.
As she sat up, the room began to spin while she felt the increased urge to vomit yet again. Maybe this was going to be harder than she anticipated. Part of her wanted to blame the nausea on her new hair colour, but she knew sicknesses didn’t work that way.

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Nick, meanwhile, had been ready for about twenty minutes before Juniper was. Part of it was nerves, but he also wanted to make sure that they were early, and they had discussed what exactly they were going to say (it wasn’t like he was planning on either of them lying, but just highlighting the better looking things). When he saw her though, he gave her a concerned look. “Hey, are you feeling alright? You don’t look all too good.”

“Gee, thanks.” Giving him a look, she grumbled. “I just feel a bit off today, I’ll be fine.”

 

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Sceptically, he asked. “Are you sure?”

Rolling her eyes, she assured him. “I can promise you, I am perfectly-” Juniper stopped abruptly, gagging as she felt the need to throw up. She felt Nick guide her towards the sink and hold back her hair as she leaned over it. At that point, the urge seemed to go and she mumbled. “It’s gone, I’m fine, perfectly fine.”

 

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“Based on the fact you nearly just threw up, I don’t think you’re fine.” He let go of her and moved away slightly. “Even though I would like you with me today, you wouldn’t be too much help by accidentally throwing up on the headmaster’s shoes or something.” Unless they could convince them that she was dying, but that wouldn’t really be all too ideal because it was a difficult thing to commit to, and Lainey (possibly Roisin too) might be there for the next seven years. That’s a pretty big commitment.

Staying quiet for a moment, Juniper then mumbled. “I just don’t want you to feel like I’m ditching you.”

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“You’re hardly ditching me. I’ll be fine on my own, it might work in my favour: heroic single dad balancing a kid and work and setting back gender norms.” Grinning, Nick then asked. “Do you want me to see if Sarah can watch Roisin for the next hour or so? Or at least while I’m gone?”

Hesitating for a moment, Juniper tried to remember if Sarah was busy, she didn’t want to impose on her, but then again she watched Joe on Sunday so it was only fair. Nodding, she mumbled. “Please. Tell her that she owes me.” Smirking slightly, she leaned against the counter, liking how cold it was.

“I will, now go to bed.” He instructed, giving her a look.

“I am, I am. Don’t get your panties in a twist.” She mumbled, going back to her bedroom.

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“You know,” It was a vision of Juniper and Nick in the future, watching three kids playing. She had visions when she slept often, but most were of other people or didn’t make sense. Two of the kids playing she could identify as Roisin and Lainey, but the third one she didn’t know. Was the third one theirs? Surely the third girl must be theirs, based on other visions she’s seen about herself and Nick, and based on the fact that she looks like the two of them. “I wouldn’t mind trying for another one.” She spoke gently as the two of them were mostly focused on watching their kids.

“Are you sure? I mean, I’d love to have another, but are you sure?” Asking tentatively, Nick’s attention focused on her. Juniper wasn’t sure at this moment in time why he seemed concerned for her as she mentioned the topic of more kids. “I know you found it hard last time because of the time before.”

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Nodding, she then smiled. “You know that I want a big family, like my own. What happened was a long time ago, and I know I did the right thing: it was just hormones messing with me.” She excused, laughing lightly. Her voice turned serious again as she stated “I really want another.” She grinned.

Grinning also, Nick commented. “Another baby… Maybe this time you’ll be right about us having a boy.” Teasing her about it, he then kissed her softly as she cuddled up to him.

“Shut up. I had so many visions about her being a boy though, I was almost certain!”

 

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Sometimes, Juniper wondered if her visions reflected what she was thinking about, because they seemed to sometimes. For example, she saw a vision about her and Nick discussing having another baby, and babies were on her mind a lot.

In all honesty, she recognised a lot of the symptoms she has been feeling recently, and she wanted to convince herself otherwise (just symptoms of PMS, that’s all) but PMS symptoms are usually followed by mother nature’s monthly visits, and let’s just say she felt like mother nature was ignoring her because she hadn’t visited in a while.

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Even though she wanted a big family, she didn’t want another baby now. In all honesty, she couldn’t think of anything worse. She knew how Daniel felt about kids, and she knew that it was more likely than unlikely that he wouldn’t want to have a baby with her (or with anyone for that matter). Which was why she didn’t want to take a pregnancy test, and was why she didn’t want to see what she was about almost certain she would see.

That little, pink plus sign was the last thing she wanted to see

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She kept shaking the test, as if that would make it go away, but it stayed resiliently, seemingly getting stronger the more she tried to make it go away.

Groaning audibly, she buried her head in her hands as she sat down on the floor. She didn’t want another baby, at least not now. Two kids under the age of five by different dads wasn’t exactly on her bucket list nor life plan. At this moment in time, she wished that she had either waited until Nick was home or did it earlier because she really wanted to talk to someone right now. She then remembered that Sarah was in, and figured that Sarah would be alright to talk (that and she was her best friend, and she figured another woman would be best to talk to this about).

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Sarah was rather confused to see Jennifer by her door, and instinctively let her in, she could tell that she had either been crying or was very close to crying. “Jen? Are you alright? Nick dropped Roisin off here and said you weren’t feeling all that great.” Glancing over at the two toddlers, she was partly surprised neither of them noticed Jennifer come in. Then again, Joe’s not left those blocks alone since they got them.

“I’m pregnant.” Juniper said quickly, knowing that she didn’t exactly ask but she wanted to tell someone, and it was best to rip the plaster off, right?

Sarah watched her for a moment, trying to work out how exactly to react and how she’d want her to react. Seeing how upset she seemed, she went over and hugged her best friend. “Oh sweetie. It’ll be okay.”

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“I-I don’t w-want another b-baby.” Juniper stammered out, hugging Sarah tightly as she cried. “I don’t want one, I really don’t want one. I’m not in the right place to have one. I’m twenty freaking three, I don’t want two kids already, by different dads and both under five. I don’t even know how Daniel’s going to react to this.”

“You know you’ll always have me and Nick here to support you.” Sarah broke away slightly to look at Jennifer when she said this. “You know that both of us are here and will support you the whole way.” Staying quiet for a moment, she asked. “Am I the first person you told?”

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Juniper nodded. “I’m pretty sure the end of the test is still wet.” Laughing slightly, she dried her eyes. “I figured you’d probably be the easiest one to tell and I really wanted to talk to someone straight away.” Sighing heavily, she mumbled. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, I’m flattered you told me first.” Sarah grinned, her voice momentarily dropping it’s seriousness before she continued. “I think you take some time, collect your thoughts and then tell Daniel, in a public place. I’ll watch Roisin for you for as long as you need, and remember no matter what, you’re not alone. I mean, I can look after the girls as long as you need me to, with payback of course.” Smirking slightly at the end in a joking manner, Sarah tried her hardest to keep Jennifer’s mood up.

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Smiling half-heartedly, Juniper then sighed. “I know he’s back in town for today, and we’ve got a lunch date today. I guess it’s kind of a now or never deal because he’s going away again tomorrow for quite a while.”

“How long for? I mean, if it’s just one or two weeks you can wait, see a doctor, get it confirmed-” Sarah started, suspecting something bad because of the face Juniper was pulling.

“He’s going away for about three months on a long transfer. I mean, he can come home at the weekends but I doubt it.” She mumbled, wincing slightly.

“Oh…” Sarah frowned. “I guess it kinda can’t wait.”

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Juniper had arrived at where they were meeting before he did. She had to think of how to tell him. Whether she would rip the plaster off or let it soak for a while and peel away. Her mind wandered off to think about why this is such a difficult conversation. Babies are good things, happy occasions! It’s just all the uncertainty and changes that come with babies. She had no clue how to even start; Daniel was a lot older than her, so it’s likely that he didn’t have any kids by choice. Thinking about that worried Juniper, but she had no idea what else she could do. She had to tell him and she had to face his reaction.

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Grinning as she saw him (albeit unintentionally nervously), she stood and they hugged when he was close enough. “I’ve missed you.” Smiling up at him, she hoped the uneasy facial expression wasn’t traceable.

“I’ve missed you too. It’s a shame you couldn’t come with me, but I suppose you have other obligations.” Even if it wasn’t intended, she saw him sneer slightly. Obviously, the ‘other obligations’ referred to Roisin.

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“Right.” Juniper answered as the two of them sat down, knowing that this was going to be harder than she anticipated. In that moment, she was tempted not to tell him and just to have the baby in secret, but maybe he would be different if he had his own? “There’s actually something I needed to tell you.” She started, figuring to just rip the plaster off.

Giving her a confused look, he prompted her to continue. “Go on…”

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“This really isn’t easy to say, I mean, I only found out about this earlier today, but…” she paused unintentionally, finding it almost hard to say this time around. “I’m pregnant.”

Daniel stayed quiet for a long time, longer than what anyone who was pleased or even shocked should. Obviously, this panicked Juniper. “Right, okay. And you know for sure?”

“I’ve not yet been to the doctors but I’m about pretty sure. I took a test this morning and it was positive.” In a quiet voice, Juniper mumbled this. He was staying oddly calm and composed during this discussion.

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Sighing, he then spoke. “Look, Jen. You’re a great girl, I love how smart and pretty you are, and you’re also unique in your own way, but the whole family life, you understand it’s not for me. I could possibly handle a step-child but my own?” He shook his head while looking down, and then as he took her hand, he looked back at her. “I think we both know the right thing you should do.”

Without him needing so say it, she knew what he was implying. He wanted her to get rid of it. Shaking her head softly, she mumbled. “That’s not what I want to do though.” Even though she didn’t really want to keep it, she didn’t want to get rid of it either.

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With narrowed eyes, he demanded “Why?”

“Because I don’t want to. I-I can’t.” It wasn’t much of an argument, but she knew nothing he said would change her mind.

His hand moved away from hers as his previously somewhat nice composure was a thing of the past.”Jennifer, don’t be unreasonable here. We’re both very different people with very different wants. The lifestyle I have isn’t cut out for a child to tag along.” He then got a cheque book out of his wallet and wrote her one. “Money’s not an issue, especially with something like this. You’re smart enough to know what you should do with this.”

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“I’m not getting rid of it. I refuse to.” Speaking in a low voice, she pushed the cheque back over to him.

Snarling, he knew what she was doing. Conniving women not unlike the one sat before him have been pulling these tricks for a long time now. “In that case, prepare for a long paternity battle, and consider this our last conversation without lawyers present.” He stood, ready to go. Before he did however, he slid the cheque back over to her. “Unless, you make the right choice.”

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As Juniper sat alone in the coffee shop, she realised something: she shouldn’t be having a baby. She really shouldn’t be. This wasn’t fair. There were so many people out there in stable relationships who can’t have kids, and here she was pregnant and wishing this was all just some bad dream. She really didn’t want to have another baby. Did that make her a terrible person for having the opportunity so many people wanted, and she was there wishing it away?

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Back home at the flat, Juniper went back into her bedroom to think. She was almost certain that she didn’t want to keep it, but at the same time, she didn’t want to get rid of it that way either. All this and she knew she still had to tell Nick what had happened (she knew she should tell him soon as it’s likely that he’d pick up on her symptoms, especially since he had seen them with Elle when she was pregnant).

A large part of her didn’t want to tell him, and just pretend that everything was the same as always.

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That wasn’t feasible though. Even though he wasn’t the best at noticing things, he’d notice her gaining a lot of weight very quickly and then losing it and a baby appearing. Getting out her phone, she texted him to ask if he could get Roisin from Sarah’s flat. It was a selfish request based on the fact she was next door, but Juniper just wanted some alone time to process everything that has happened. It seemed to be sinking in more now than it did. She was going to be a single parent of two kids under the age of five.

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She heard the sound of the front door opening and closing, and the two girls talking loudly with each other. It was pretty clear by the celebratory tones that Nick thought Lainey had a good chance of going to the school he wanted her to go to; at least he was happy. Curling deeper into her bed, she tried to block out what had happened today. She wanted to pretend that everything was fine but it wasn’t. She could think of so many reasons why she didn’t really want another baby, and so many reasons why it wouldn’t be a good idea.

Hearing a gentle knock on her bedroom door, she then heard it open as Nick came in. “Is everything alright?”

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She sat up, and the hardest thing in that moment was to not cry. Shaking her head, she answered. “No, everything’s not okay. Far from okay.” Her voice wavered slightly as she spoke, trying her hardest to not break down and sob.

Sitting down next to her, he asked. “Do you want to talk about it? I know I’ve not got that long until I have to go out for a shoot but… I can still talk for the meantime.” Giving her a reassuring smile, he hated it whenever she was sad. Mostly because she was rarely the kind of person to get sad. She got angry rather than sad.

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“Daniel broke up with me.” She spoke quietly as she felt his arm go around her.

“You know I never liked him, I thought you could do better.” He knew she already knew this. Her relationship with Daniel kind of creeped him out if he thought about it for too long.

“He broke up with me because I’m pregnant.” Ripping the plaster off again, hopefully for the last time, she didn’t make eye contact with him at this point, knowing if she did then she would burst into tears. What Daniel said still hurt, and a large part of her was worried Nick would react negatively to it too. It seemed unlikely, but she thought it was unlikely for Daniel to react the way he did too.

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“You’re pregnant?” He asked, making sure he heard correctly. At her nod, he then asked. “Are you sure?”

“I took a test this morning and it was positive, so I’m pretty sure.” Wiping her eyes out of instinct, she could feel a few tears escaping and didn’t want to make it obvious that she was crying. She hated crying.

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“So what exactly did Daniel say?” Nick thought that possibly Daniel may have said something which Juniper could have taken the wrong way.

“Basically, I told him, he asked me if I was sure, I said yes, he said he didn’t want kids of his own, step-children were alright but not biological ones. I said I didn’t want to get rid of it, he then asked me why and said that if I needed the money to get rid of it then that was no issue and gave me a cheque and pointed out that he didn’t have the lifestyle for a baby to tag along. I said that didn’t change my mind, and then he said stuff about paternity lawsuits and probably trying to prove it wasn’t his, or told me I could make the right choice and get rid of it.” Looking away, it became increasingly more difficult not to cry. She didn’t want to cry. It felt like she was crying a lot in front of him lately and she didn’t especially like that.

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“Don’t listen to what he said. There isn’t a right or wrong choice, it all depends on what you want to do.” He tried to reassure her, but wasn’t really sure what to say. What could he say? Agree that’s a shitty thing to do? Yeah, but that’s not really helping.

“I don’t know what I want to do though.” And with that, the waterworks started. “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m a widow with one, soon two, children under the age of five, and I’m not even twenty five yet! I’m gonna be lonely and all alone and die alone and right now I really want Chinese take out but the one near here is crap and the good one is ages away.” Weeping, she tried to wipe away her tears, but more came as she wiped them away.

“You’re not going to be alone.”

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“Huh?” Looking back at him, she asked.

“I said, you’re not going to be alone. I know I’m not first choice, but I’ll be here for you.” Smiling reassuringly at her, he knew by going through it with Elle that pregnancy wasn’t easy, and even less so with two toddlers running around. Most importantly though, he didn’t want her to feel alone. “Anything you want or need, you’ll be able to count on me for.”

Smiling back at him, she hugged him tightly, burying her face into him slightly. “Thank you. You know it means a lot to me.” Her eyes glanced at the clock, and she let him go. “You’ve got to go soon, you’ve got a shoot in about half an hour.”

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“I can probably cancel or rain check if you need me to.” He suggested, tilting his head slightly.

Shaking her head no, Juniper responded. “I could actually kinda do with some time alone, process it a bit more.” She watched as he stood up. “Have a bit more time to think, you know?”

“If you need me though…” Speaking as he began to edge out of her room. “I’ll keep my phone on me.”

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 Juniper finished had just the story she was reading to Roisin and Lainey to get them to fall asleep and left their room. Even though she loved the two of them with all her heart, she knew that she couldn’t handle another baby right now, and it wouldn’t be a wise idea to have another at this moment in time. Three children, not to mention one being quite a lot younger than the other two, sharing a room wasn’t fair and there wasn’t any other rooms in the flat. So, if she was going to keep it, that would probably mean moving to a larger place and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to leave her little flat.

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Usually the afternoon photoshoots lasted past their usual dinner time, and usually Nick would pick up takeout for the two of them (while Roisin and Lainey still had regular dinner at the usual time).

Today was no exception, and she waited for him to come home. It had been a good thing that he had gone to the shoot, because she had the time to think about it logically and had come to a rational solution.

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She was waiting in the kitchen when he came back, and the two shared a smile. “Are the girls in bed?” He asked as he came in, placing the takeout down on the table.

“Yeah, they had their story about ten minutes ago.” Juniper smiled, and walked over to the takeout. “What have we got?” She asked, starting to rummage through the bag.

“I got us Chinese. The shoot was kinda close to the good one, and I felt like a bit of a prick for leaving you here so…” He shrugged, and then continued with.”I couldn’t remember what you liked, so I got a few things. Take your pick, apart from number 74, that one’s mine and I am not willing to give it up.” There was a slight warning tone in his voice at the end of the sentence.

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“I remember when I was pregnant with Roisin, in the last few months, I had a constant craving for Chinese food. I actually became really close friends with the older couple who owned the only one in Glendalough, so much so I got Sam to reduce their rent on their place for them. They were really nice, they’d ask me about the baby often and asked Mia about me when she went in for me. They even taught me how to make spring rolls and taught me how they make their sweet and sour sauce.” Juniper recalled, smiling as she did so as they sat watching TV after dinner. “I could never make either as nice as them though.”

“I can’t really remember Elle having too many cravings. She had really bad morning sickness though, I remember that.” Nick mumbled. He was happy that she seemed happier than what she was earlier that day. “Have you thought more about what you want to do?”

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Juniper nodded, and explained herself first. “I have. I know this might seem selfish or mean or what have you, but I really don’t want another baby. I-I don’t want another right now. That’s all there is to it. There’s no where to put it, I don’t want one and I know it won’t be the best life it could have with me, and I know it would have more opportunities and a more fulfilling life with other people, so I’ve pretty much decided on adoption.” She mumbled, not making eye contact. She didn’t want him to sway her decision by saying something. “I know people think it’s selfish, and others might not get it, but it’s what I want to do and what I think is smartest to do. I mean, I’m twenty freaking three, I’ve not got a great job, I probably can’t afford another baby, I’m still trying to finish school and I’m not in a stable relationship, especially not anymore, . Now isn’t the best time for a baby, but I don’t want to get rid of it just like that. There are a lot of smart and educated people out there, doctors, lawyers, dentists, scientists who have everything a baby would want and need, but not a baby. I honestly think it’s the best option for me.”

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Nick stayed quiet for a while, not so sure how to react. He hadn’t anticipated her saying that. “So, you’ve thought about this quite a lot?” He asked, and then continued with. “Whatever happens, I’ll always be there to support you in helping you choose and going with you to meet them.”

Looking at him, she grinned. “I’m really happy you understand. I think this is the best thing for me at this moment in time.”

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AN: I feel like people are gonna be low-key pissed off because I’m essentially baby teasing, but now isn’t a good time for Junie to be having more kids, and she doesn’t want more kids. (this kid was unintended anyway, turn off autonomous risky woohoo, or at least put the chance of pregnancy to a low value). I had a much meaner way of dealing with oopsy baby but I decided this was the less mean option.

If anything, oopsy baby gave me an earlier out for Juniper’s and Daniel’s relationship so there’s that, I guess.